2 more days as opposed to 3...

Argh! I have HAD it with these swim caps! My last Lexington one ripped on me today. Big disappointment - especially if this year turns out like the last where we didn't get team suits or caps. I wish we could have more people on the team because after Ashley and I leave, there will be nothing left. I also wish the Davidson Swim Coach would email (yes, I finally got his address) me back about meeting with him. He hasn't responded to me after 2 letters sent. I just hope it's because he's busy. Today went by a little faster than yesterday, considering we had a good 30 minute screw-around period when taking the senior group picture. Had volleyball practice as usual, then got home and did my Western Civ, played badminton with Alan (we had a GREAT rally going today), and then got dragged away from that to swim. Mom wants me to swim more than I do. She's always bugging me about it and it makes me realize how some people live - just cutting out the rest of their lives in order to do one thing. I have avoided that because you can't be a well rounded person if you commit to one thing and one thing only. That doesn't make you truly athletic in my perspective. If you can do at least 2 sports well, then you are a true athlete because you can adapt to a different situation using a variety of abilities instead of the same ones over and over again. Yes, it's never the same each time you do it, but you can only do so much with just one sport. I know I'm rambling on about this, but I am just trying to make a point. One forte doesn't make you well rounded. Anyway, there is a Western Civ exam tomorrow, so I better be hitting the books soon. What a day...

best excuse: it's a monday

I'm so excited because I get to visit Davidson's campus this Friday and hopefully get to meet up with the swim coach! They confirmed my visit and I can't wait to see this campus. Today was just a Monday, which is never good. I started out the morning being pissed off and wanting to knock someone's lights out, but the day progressively improved. The math teacher fell asleep in class, Gwennie hopped from board to board to write notes, and we did what seemed like nothing in APES. Then I got a few laughs at volleyball when Shida hit her head with the ball. And then swimming when Nathan, Anna, and I were doing butterfly and there was a noodle in Nathan's lane and he flopped right on top of it! It was hilarious! Then the set of 12 x 100's was good to get out the anger. Then I grabbed something for dinner while finishing up the grueling poetry project. I finally have it done, so I guess I will complete it by stapling to pages. There's not too much to say right now, so until tomorrow...

rope of life

You're right! It is like at the lake. The longer you hold on to the rope the harder you fall.
...So I guess I should contradict my ways and let go as opposed to being jerked forward, brought up for a split second of happiness, only to be brought down again. Funny how that works... especially when it looks like I'm doing everything right but I still can't get up.

And no, this has NOTHING to do with wakeboarding.

not-so-lazy sunday...

This morning - well - afternoon started out pretty good since I slept a little past noon. Then I just wandered around the house, scavenging for food until about 2 when I decided to hit the pool. Then I attempted to warmup in the open part of the pool because the lanes were fully occupied. There were these kids who just didn't take the hint that I needed them to get out of the way. Strike 1. Then Mom comes to time me and I do the SAME time - 1:21... but Mom wasn't exactly sure because she hit the WRONG BUTTON. How the hell can you MISS the button?!? Strike 2. Then I am discouraged, pissed, and the stupid kids STILL get in the way. So I am trying to swim easy and a HOARD of kids come in. Both lanes STILL occupied. Strike 3. I take my goggles off, throw them down, rip my cap off, and get out of the pool as well as storm out of the facility. Then I come home, make myself some tea, and just chill out for a bit by scanning my senior picture (as you can see) and some other pictures for Dad. Then Mom finally gets me going on the poetry project I should have been working on earlier this week. I am practically done with that demonic thing and I need to work on my Western Civ to study for the upcoming test on Wednesday. I also signed up for a visit to Davidson for this Friday when there isn't any school. I would hate to miss school for it... especially APES (I would get so behind). Well, that wraps up the day other than me battling off a cold at the moment... I have to get off in a few so until tomorrow or whenever I blog next!

senior picture 

that's the way it is

Everybody wants an easy ride
On the merry-go-round
That we call life
Take a drive on cruise control
Then you wake to find
It's a winding road
I had my dreams in view
When the money ran out
And the engine blew
Hung my tears out to dry
Then my dreams fell
Outta the clear blue sky
And I
I was walking in the clouds
Feeling so safe and sound
'Til something else knocks me down

Oh
And that's the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
Oh
And that's the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash you burn
And that's the way it is

One fine day
You wake up
Completely
Hopelessly fallen in love
He's just what you're looking for
The only problem is
That the man's not sure
Another guy will give you everything
The only problem is
You don't feel a thing
Well I know from experience
Nothing's ever gonna make perfect sense
Oh
One day you get what you want
But it's not what you think
Then you get what you need

Oh
And that's the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
Oh
And that's the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash you burn
And that's the way it is

Yeah
They say your soul is growing
But sometimes I feel like throwing
Something

And that's they way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
And that's they way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows

Oh
And that's the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
Oh
And that's the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash you burn
And that's the way it is

--Jo Dee Messina (yeah, it's country, but the lyrics are great)

long day

Wow, today's horseshow took FOREVER. Let's just say that there was 24 people in just the walk-trot class. Holy $h!t. Then I finally got to show my Bo and we got champion! All of our courses we nailed and I beat out a really good horse from my own barn. And I overheard some girls (who were obviously saying it loud enough to make SURE I heard) saying how horrible the judge placed. If there weren't so many little kids around I would have given them my favorite finger on my hand. I also found out that one of the people who rode with us was 3 months pregnant. I was shocked but at the same time not suprised. My instructor was so pissed at her she hasn't let her ride since. She's 16 and her boyfriend is 21. Ridiculous. I guess some people just don't think about things before they just go off and do whatever the hell they want. Sometimes the consequences never catch up with you, but that RARELY happens. I guess it just depends on how far you think you can go before life comes back around and kicks you in your @$$. Everyone tries to push their limits a little here and there - it's human nature. How far can you go before you get punished for it some way or another? But that really ties in with curiousity in general. I am SO tired because I only got about 6 hours of sleep. Can't anyone sleep in for a Saturday morning anymore?!? And of course, by the time all that horseshow crap was over with, we couldn't swim. And Nathan is visiting his grandmother in Atlanta tomorrow so that means I will just have to swim solo once more. But sometimes it's more PLEASANT. Today was somewhat fulfulling yet I felt empty in the end. Life is truly a cycle. Feeling up and excited one day, brought down the next. My mom stretched my shoulder yesterday and it felt SO good, but it sort of made it tighter, too. I am probably going to ask her to stretch it again after this because it is pretty tight. Hopefully, I can sleep in tomorrow morning in PEACE (and not be interrupted by geezer church go-ers [no offense]... GRR). I still miss my former life of the summer... no worries. I guess all I can do is daydream about the good days.

it's friday

Today started out with my alarm clock NOT going off as usual, but at least my parents woke me up. I got up the courage to wear -- yes -- a SKIRT today. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...I just got cold in APES (the class the bird FROZE to death in). Western Civ was okay today but the day I took a brief moment to stop and look at my textbook in the passenger seat of my car and thought "We have never used it in class... why not leave it in the car today?", he asked us to get it out. Never fails. Then the best part was AFTER Western Civ when Drew burnt his finger on the cigarette lighter! He didn't think it worked but when he pulled it out after pressing it impatiently a few times, I picked up a slight burning smell. I knew it was working after smelling it but apparently he didn't. He touched it and got a nice shriek out before sucking on his finger. Ignorance, in that case, is NOT bliss. I'll bet he's got a nice blister on his finger right now. *Evil laugh* The rest of the day was pretty sane, but then this afternoon was quite frustrating. I went to a "meeting" right afterschool to see that only a few people showed up... we are going to be SO disorganized. Then, I rushed out of the house to ride my Bobo for the show tomorrow and I called Nathan to see when I was working this weekend and he invited me to swim at 5:30. So, I go down and ride and then find that I am running late because my instructor is taking her sweet time even though I told her I needed to be off the horse by 5:15. Pisses me off a wee-bit. So I am already scrambling out of the barn to the car and find 2 missed calls on my phone. So I call it back (Nathan's cell) while I'm making my way there and he tells me that we AREN'T going to swim today because Katie showed up 4 hours late (pisses HIM off a wee-bit) to paint the pump house. So he promises that we'll swim tomorrow, after the horse show, at the Y. As for me, I just moseyed on over to the Y anyway for a good swim this evening. My left shoulder has been bothering me lately and it's been extremely tight. I don't know what it is from, but I'm afraid from swimming. I wish I could find a way to make it loosen up. I was entertained today when stumbling upon a livejournal entry that talked about going up, doing karaoke, and not being the least bit embarassed. I would have LOVED to see that. *High five* Well, my riding instructor needs my help tomorrow morning, so that means an early rising of about 4:45. I haven't really gotten to sleep in the past few Saturdays it seems, but one week I will (you just wait!). This weekend won't be so laid back, especially since I need to complete my poetry project. Hopefully I can see some friends this weekend... but from the way Mom's pushing me on that project, things don't look definite. I guess I will have to turn in a little early if I want to have any energy tomorrow so I guess that's it for the night.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARL!

i'd do anything

We lost our volleyball game today; one we could have easily won. Not blaming anyone, but our captain can really get out of hand sometimes. She barrels around the court, leaving her position to get anyone else's ball. I can remember EVERY year except this year (because I'm taller than her now - YEAH!) that she knocked me flat on the floor for a ball. MY ball at that. And today, I counted a good consecutive 5 spikes she did - into the net. GET A CLUE... set it to someone who can get it OVER. But, on the other hand, she has good leadership, and when she does well she does EXCELLENT on the court. It's just she's inconsistent. Me, I'm just either consistently decent or consistently AWFUL. Anyways, I have just realized from carrying on a convo with someone that people who think they are something or label themselves something aren't that. I know someone who thinks he's just so nice and generous to people when he's said things that have embarassed me, hurt me, and he also told people something I trusted him NOT to tell. He might think it's a joke, but I just blocked out the way I really felt. Sometimes, at the age he is, I don't think he's mature enough to handle how I feel. Oh well, at least I don't have to put up with him often. Anyway, the day has been pretty rough and I have 2 quizzes tomorrow so I guess I had better hit the books.


Another day
Is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I
Wrote this letter
In my head
Cause so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be the on last chance
To make you understand

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cause somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me
Cause I know I won't forget you

Together we
Broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
To never come back

So now
Maybe after
All these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cause somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me
Cause I know I won't forget you

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close me eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you

And I'd do anything for you

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cause somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me
Cause I know I won't forget you

I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cause I know
I won't forget you

--Simple Plan

am i dreaming?

Wow. Today was the best day I have had in a good week and a half. I got to hear a voice I had missed for what seemed like forever. It was good to know that things were going good and that made me even happier. My feet feel like they're floating and I get these spontaneous jitters that run through my entire body just thinking about the fact that I'm not alone. To know that you feel the same as I do is a three fold utopian dream. Today was absolutely perfect. In math class, everyone was stumped on this problem and I volunteered to do it and got it RIGHT! Tyler was like "Is that really right?" and then got all mad when the teacher said it was. HA! Then in English I got my work back and got four 95's and one 100. That's awesome! Then I found I had an A in AP Environmental Science! Yes, the class that was supposedly going to kick my ass. Then I went out and rode and Bear and we NAILED our course... absolutely flawless. Then I swam and did well in that, just in time to return home for supper. Then I played my horn and aced this one difficult part and watched the Men's Volleyball semi's. The US barely won against Greece - great game! Now I am on here exploding with jubilance just over a phone call that transformed into a magnificent following day. That definitely took all the greatness out of the upcoming Friday, but hey, today was worth it. Days like these DEFINITELY need to come more often. ;)

empty

Why does life seem so empty? As if I could have everything I wanted but still have that hunger for something more... still have that feeling like there's something missing. Life really is a puzzle, but it creates more pieces as time goes on. There is always that hole in your heart that's waiting to be filled, and if that happens, another hole forms not long after that one is filled. It's a never ending cycle of agony -- a lose-lose situation. And then I know that I am not the only one who feels this emptiness. Everyone has that feeling; the feeling that you are alone no matter how many people are in the room. And all the people in the room are invisible... they don't appear when your eyes get to them. I feel that way sometimes when I'm walking through the halls during class change. I am walking through empty halls filled with people - gossiping, walking, laughing... but their voices echo into deafening silence. I want to hear them, I want to see them, but I can't. The black hole inside of me is sucking in my emotions and eating me from the inside out. I can't motivate myself to pull away from it. I am surrendering to its forces that is pulling me under my own fate. Soon, all of me will be sucked into a neverending pit of mysterious darkness. Is that what I really want? To be dragged down by something I created within myself? I crack a smile here and there when I feel a little presence of warmth between me and others.. my team, my friends. I guess I have to take comfort in what I have now and just run with it. There's nothing I can do now except fight the weight that is pulling me down and try to break free from the desolate position I feel I'm in. I can always die trying... that's the best thing to do, isn't it?

miles apart

If I could
I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you
To where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves
And leave the world behind
And make believe
There's something left to find

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but
You're always in my heart

Now we've all grown up
Gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it
Nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were
When life was not this hard
Looking back it all just seems so far
So far away

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but
You're always in my heart

I'd give it up
For just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up
For just one more day with you

I'd give it up
For just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up
For just one more day with you

I'd give it up
For just one more day with you
Give it up
Give it all away
I'd give it up
For just one more day with you

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but
You're always in my heart

I need you now
We're miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
I need you now
We're miles apart
I may be leaving but
You're always in my heart

-- Yellowcard

wishing only wounds the heart

I got to bed at 20 til 2 and got up at 6. Rushed over to the school only to wait 20 minutes for my coach to show up LATE... hmm, not suprising. Then two of our good players weren't there so we went to her house and then found they were on their way to the school. We just went ahead and met up with them at the tournament. I walked in with my oversized basketball uniform claiming the name of our socially shunned school. I saw Alex Greer, a guy from my lifeguard class, and I talked with him for a bit. Then we had to warm up just to get beat by North Davidson. I think the first game was the real warm up, because we actually gave them a little run the second game. The next team was the best in our group, Northwestern Randolph, and we had them 7-6 but they came back to beat us 8-11. The second game their server just KILLED us 0-11. Ridiculous. Then we played Central and lost the first game but won the second. We beat South easily both games. We then played Robinson and got beat pretty bad (but I spiked on them so it wasn't too bad! :D). We were tied for fourth but dropped to fifth due to our extra loss. We played Thomasville and was up SO much but they came back on us quickly and won 20-25. The second game I was feeling the effects of a four hour night's sleep and others grew tired and we lost 11-25. The last chance we were up 19-10 and were giving it all we had but they came back 25-25. We had to score 2 points higher to win. We scored one point and then they scored one. We bumped it up to 27-27 until they won 29-27. I was so angry. We really could have won. And the ref was making AWFUL calls and blowing his whistle for the server to go without giving us any time. I saw Walt also because his gf wanted to see her sister play on North's team (GOD they look so much alike) and of course she dashed off elsewhere for a sec and he was left alone. I got up the nerve to say hey and we just carried on a convo for a while. Then Tiffany saw me talking to him and grabbed his arm and dragged him off without saying much to me. Frieda noticed that I wasn't exactly FOND of Tiffany and started towering over her and kinda bumping on her. It was hilarious. And she came back and was like "Yeah, she's a bitch." LOL. Good times there. I am hot, sweaty, pissed, and running on four hours of sleep. I think I will take a shower and a nap - to go, please.

expectations for a future sleep-deprived teen

Well, tonight's the night I endure the mob of Central folk. GIT R' DUN! I will have to be hyped up on some Mountain Dew or something to keep me going for the night AND morning. Then I have to be at the school at 7 to meet up for the tournament. Wow... and to think I could barely keep my eyes open for Western Civ this morning. I was pretty much awake after class was dismissed and I met up with Drew and saw his MOMMY (oh, she LOVES ME!) and then to his house to get the entire booklet on Davidson. Drew drives like a MANIAC - he was going 70-75 mph on a road marked 45 mph! And then he tried to take "alternative" routes into roads/driveways. Yeah, I fell for the gravel road, but not the going-through-the-neighbor's-yard-to-get-to-your-driveway route. I don't drive a SUV, and I DON'T want the Camry going through that. Then in math class Faydizzle was not here for the THIRD day (geez, what is up with this guy?) and Ms. Salmons came at the last half of class and TAUGHT. Thank goodness... we really need to keep on schedule. I am about to leave for the torturous hours of work so I guess I will wrap this up. Tomorrow I am taking a LONG nap and hopefully I can ride on Friday. Well, I'm off... time to see how well I can handle this.


I wish you were here...

beautiful disaster

After swimming today, I didn't feel the least bit guilty about polishing off that Ben and Jerry's. I am exhausted but happy that I had the endurance to do a 18 second 25 at Brookside as the last sprint from a full breaststroke workout. I don't know about the college deal, but I am most likely going to give the scholarship a shot. What do I have to lose? I can always go back to my old plans, anyway. I still can't believe I have to work until 2 in the morning tomorrow... I am going to DIE at that volleyball tournament, especially when my coach said we had to be at the school where the tournament is held before 8. Come to find out that the baby bird didn't starve to death, it FROZE. That classroom is incredibly cold and our principal doesn't believe us... HOW ABOUT THAT?!? A bird FROZE to death in the room (and most likely starved, too). Our school is SO retarded. We were working on our PowerPoint Presentations on biomes and I had about 3 good slides done, and the computer LOCKS up (this is in the school computer lab) right as the bell rings for school to let out and I have to restart it... and when I do, it erased it. Just what I needed. Mr. Faydizzle wasn't here again today and we are supposed to have a test tomorrow - not likely. I miss my friends because I haven't gotten to spend much time with them lately(the ones that actually LIVE here). I wish I could on Saturday, but I will be absolutely SPENT after that volleyball tournament. Maybe Sunday. Only one more day of school...

lost and confused

Today was awful since I ACTUALLY had to get up at 6 this morning for DCCC Orientation. I stayed up WAY too late last night waiting for the Men's 4x200 Relay, but it was so worth it! America took the gold from the Aussies... seven years they claimed that race and we stole it. Incredible. I REALLY like my Western Civ teacher... he is HILARIOUS and he even said "Die!" in one of his explanations of rules. He is definitely a lecturer... but an interesting one at that. Then in math Mr. Fay (Faydizzle) wasn't even here and we goofed off the entire time. Well, Tiffany and I did go to the computer lab to do some "work". English was lame, and APES was ok because we watched a movie on the cane toad. It was pretty funny because there were people who fed the things and even smoked their venom. A burn-out on cane toad. Haha. Also, the little blue jay DIED. You know why? Because our teacher (a Biology teacher) didn't feed it overnight... she figured it would live! WHAT THE HELL?!!? I about lost it. Any person in their right mind, especially a Biology teacher, should understand the eating patterns of a young bird or animal! It's practically constant! How on EARTH can you expect something like that to live overnight without a speck of food? She's a mother and I KNOW she didn't just leave HER baby overnight without feeding it. She has honestly lost it. Geez, people these days. Thankfully, Nathan wanted to swim today and I know I really need it. My mom is trying to get me to apply for that Davidson Swimming Scholarship, because she says Davidson is a very prestigious school and I should think about it. It's hard to think of going to any other college because the only college I have ever thought of attending was State. Is that bad? I also have never thought about going to college for swimming because I know I'm not good enough for State's team. Davidson is smaller and more expensive, but the scholarship would help. I don't know what to do. It's really hard when some other opportunity arrives that you can take advantage of and yet that kind of changes future plans. I feel like my life is almost too much mapped out for my own good. What if I don't want to become a veterinarian or I don't make the school? Or find something that interests me more?? It's hard to tell right now. I guess I will go swim because it's almost time.

brain stew

The day started off with me (as usual) NOT wanting to leave the bed. I was so tired from volleyball practice then swimming right after one another yesterday. And, of COURSE, I called Nathan today to see if we were going to swim like he had SAID and he just said he wasn't going to because he "didn't feel motivated". I really wanted to swim today but they also decided to drain the Y's pool and do some work on it until next week. Phooey. I want to ask my math teacher if he likes thetar tots since he says "thetar" instead of "theta". Honestly, WHO says that? Thankfully, I got pulled out of class the last 10 minutes because my guidance counselor wanted me to look at some swimming scholarships. I think she's wasting her time because one was for Davidson College and the other was the academic Morehead Scholarship which is for Carolina. UGH! I don't want to go there! State is where I want to go and there's no way in hell I'm getting a scholarship from them in ANYTHING. Then in English we just read (or was supposed to read) the entire class. It is so boring when we have to do the SAME rubric for each story/essay because its just the SAME information over and over again. We started APES class by feeding the baby blue jay that had fallen out of its nest the previous day. Yesterday, it refused to take any food and was trembling with fear. Today, that sucker was chirping every 15 minutes for food and was jumping all over the place. I have never seen something that little consume so much food! Volleyball practice was okay, but we ended up just scrimaging the last half hour. Every time they would set me up for a spike I would SCREW it up because for some reason I am trying to use my right hand. I'm LEFT handed! I need to get my timing right or I will look a mess (like last year *shudder*). I know I'm tall enough and I can hit them hard... I just need to work on it. Swimming yesterday made me realize how much I miss the past few weeks and just the summer in general. Well, with school comes homework so I guess I will be getting to that...

can i be your memory

Dang, yesterday all I did was watch the Olympics. There was always some interesting event on, but I REALLY wanna see badminton. That is probably incredible to watch! Last night Zach and I were just screaming through IMs about swimming and gymnastics... it was funny. I would hate to see us in the same room together; we would be freaking out (yeah, you and your BIG screen!). Swam yesterday even though there we these military men training in the POOL and they constantly got in the way. I obviously did not get the swimming I needed done. Then I had that cookout my mom's boss holds every year that was held INSIDE in a church which made it no fun. I got to see my #1 CLETUS' which was cool and met one of her friends. Then I just went home and goofed off... played the horn... other random things. I found myself lying on the driveway at one point, just looking up at the cloud-smothered sky. The concrete was cold and hard, the atmosphere was quiet, the air was humid but cool. I don't know why I did that, but I felt like I needed it. I was hoping for a phone call, but I honestly don't know the approximate travel time from one state to another so I am not sure when I was going to get a call (???). It's Sunday and I have to work from 1-4 and MAYBE a party it depends on if the church still wants it or not. They said it was supposed to clear up today, but the clouds have not left yet. It's still dark and dreary. Blah. I don't want to face school tomorrow but I know I will have to. But I guess I will have to just roll with it. Adapt. Darwin.... LOL.



It's okay to be angry
And never let go
It only gets harder
The more that you know
When you get lonely
If no one's around
You know that I'll catch you
When you're falling down
We came together
But you left alone
And I know how it feels
To walk out on your own
Maybe someday
I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes
And call me your friend

Take you away
From that empty apartment
You stay
And forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you love me
You'd say
It's okay
It's okay
It's okay...

remember when

Yesterday was the last day I got to spend with a good friend of mine, and I didn't regret anything I did with him. He was there with me for the last few hours of the day and that is what made it the best. I know I got what I wanted, but I just hope he got what he wanted as well. I just know that I am going to miss him so much... work will be different, swimming will be different, heck- just the weekends in general. I just tried to look back on everything that happened between us, good and bad: coming back from Canada, swim meets, at the lake with Ben (and throwing him and Alexi off the tube!), on a scale from 1-10, giving a black eye, The Terminal, "Mr. Perfect" (even the DOCTOR knew that!), teen nights, getting pulled over, long telephone calls, $138 (worth EVERY penny), Anchorman, akward yet satisfying moments, singing in the car, Metallica, tubing at the lake, learning how to wakeboard, comment about the last day - "I can't believe I just said that...", ADHD moments - "So what do you think about that?" *stares at BJ* ''I think that's really cool!", Collateral - "Promise you won't tell anyone?" "...yeah." "Get in the fucking car!", picture of my two favorite things (including the Cheerwine Slushie Machine), missing him even though he was RIGHT there... is that even possible?, drawn-out goodbyes, "My legs look like the sky right now.", FINALLY landing the 360 (wish I was there), ticklish spots, crying means that you care, DEVIL CAR, and "Would you like to come in?". That's all I can recall right now, but I know we had so many more moments than that. I saved the best saying for last because it's the only word that can describe this guy... "WOW."
Thank you for my best summer ever, Matt.

what the hell...

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. But that's not the reason it will be a bad day, especially for a Friday. It will be the LAST day. I am going to miss him so much. I started out with straight FRUSTRATION in second period when I received a "nota mala" on my test. Poo... and I thought I got it too. Of course, I finally got it AFTER the test when I looked back in my book and did some review. I really need to improve my grades in math if I want to defend my rank. Then, there was volleyball practice which turned my thighs to MUSH. I can't believe we have to practice tomorrow, but we desperately need it. I forgot to bring my knee pads, which was a VERY bad thing because the second I dove for the ball I realized I DIDN'T have them. Oops. And after volleyball practice, I went home and argued with my mom for a good while about the math test. I tooted the horn and decided to swim because we won't be swimming tomorrow, and I about died because I just did constant IMs. Thank goodness there's only ONE more day of school this week... I need to sleep in. On Saturday, there's the cookout my mom's boss has every year, which means FOOD and MORE FOOD. :) Looking forward to that...

boring day at school

Blah. I'm doing this blog AT school even though we are supposed to be working on finding a math project. I still can't believe that I overslept SCHOOL yesterday. I woke up at 10 because of some racket going on outside and I normally get to the school around 9:45... so I was about 20 minutes late for math class - in the middle of a test. Ouch. I am going to have to miss volleyball practice because I have to work and then swim again tonight. This morning was pretty good considering I got UP before 10 and went out and got some coffee with Drew, then saw a good friend on his way to the Y. Made me smile the rest of the day. I got beat AGAIN in chess, and I really need to redeem myself. Of course the first thing Drew did when I opened the door was lunge for the horn, then he attempted to play it. He SLAUGHTERED the Alfhonse exercises even worse than my brother! Then he disappeared, and I found him where I figured I would... on my bed hugging the fish. Pathetic. Anyways, I guess I will find myself a project to do, and update this later.

an AWESOME weekend

This weekend ROCKED! Family Night on Friday was fun, free food (for the guards), the pool, and HOMEMADE ICE CREAM! Saturday I got up to go to lifeguard training at 7 am (grr...) and found that the water was WAYYY too cold since it was 55 degrees. So, we just went out to eat instead and did a nice pile-up on Nathan... I would like that picture by the way. Then, I worked on my project and got that out of the way to spend the rest of the day out at the lake. SO much fun even though I barely even got up once. Then on Sunday I woke up around 11 and made some touches on my project only to have a better idea on how to improve the visual effects of the poster 10 minutes before I had to leave for work. So, I went to work and came home around 4 and finished my poster (ONCE and for ALL) and waited around because the people from Dell take a RIDICULOUS amount of time to get a hold of on the phone. Then I (once more) went out to the lake. I didn't get up ONCE and that frustrated me. I HATE when I can't do something I KNOW I can do. It pisses me off and most of the time makes me worse. I am so sore now because the ibuprofen has worn off and I'm not all numbed up anymore. Tomorrow I have school and it will be a Monday so that automatically makes it a bad day. I am spent for the day and I can't wait til next weekend... wait, actually I CAN. :(

one week...

Dang, one week before people start to leave to go off to college. I can't believe that the time is already here, the summer has gone by so fast. I would like to suspend time and just take it back to the summer where I didn't have to worry about anything. That is when I start thinking about my childhood. I was so carefree and wasn't worried about a thing in the world, I wasn't afraid of the future. I didn't know that I would later in life be frustrated, confused or sad. I probably didn't even know what it was much less what it felt like. And I remember my youngest cousin of 4 saying, "I'm so stressed." and thinking, you don't even KNOW what it's like. Being a kid is great because you don't hit the brick wall called reality. You just keep pretending that everything around you is everything you hoped it would be and maybe more. Then you enter the real world in about 7th grade when your "friends" become rude and your life has to be taken seriously. You are asked what courses you want to take for your upcoming years in high school and then later for your occupation in life. I just wish I could have that stupid little smile on my face all the time like I did, because I really didn't know why I smiled, I just did. There was always that glee that filled your heart every waking moment of the day, and yet there was no reason for it. Why is that? I guess the phrase "Ignorance is bliss" is true. I am so tired and I can't wait til another good day tomorrow... at least I can sleep in.

just keep swimming...

YEAH! Man, tonight I swam and I got my mom to time me in the breaststroke. I did a 100 in 1:21.96 without a person in the lane beside me, then (literally) a few minutes later got Katherine Apple to push me and I did a 1:21.22! If I can do that just practicing, then I am SURE to do well this year. I just have to get myself to keep swimming. I will keep updating my most recent times... hopefully they will just keep on dropping! Tomorrow's Friday, so it's guaranteed to be a good day. I have to work from 6-11 which I thought would be a bummer, but it's Family Night and there will be free food so it's all good! I just hope there's homemade ice cream (yum...). I haven't done my math homework and I really don't feel like it, but I KNOW I have to do it. I still can't believe that my math teacher threw me this problem that I think doesn't have enough info in it to even solve just because he couldn't solve a problem he ASSIGNED! He knows his math, but just makes stupid mistakes... kinda like me... hmm, I could relate to this man somehow. I need to finish up my English work for the absent Gwennie tomorrow or I will be starting off BAD in her class... and she's not even there. I can't wait til the weekend OFFICIALLY starts (Friday afternoon at 3:11)!

Lake Pic

There's me at the lake!! Wooo... I really had to lighten this picture up because it was actually pretty dark outside at the time. Good times!

el dia primero de la escuela

Today sucked except for getting to leave school and screw around for a good hour and 15 minutes! Luckily DCCC doesn't start til the 19th so I get to sleep in until then! It stinks without Hannah at school but I am coping. I got so many "OH my god, what happened to your hand?"s today I wanted to just stick the explanation to my shirt. And no, it doesn't hurt that bad - it actually looks worse than it hurts. Warped Tour was awesome yesterday... I got a bunch of autographs on my cuff! I had no idea where to put it so I thought what the hell, why not the cuff? I can't believe I don't have to work until Friday, but that was a day I was hoping I would be off. I miss summer already and spending time with everyone that was a part of it. My math teacher answered our first question (which was concerning the schedule) with "I don't know... you tell me." Damn... that's a great first impression. Then I had to put up with Gwennie for 3rd period and the minute she said that we were focusing on British Lit, I had one name in mind... NNNAATTTHHAAANNN. I believe I can get some help from him in that category. Also, the Gwennelle will be having surgery tomorrow on her tender left foot due to the STRENUOUS positions of modelling, so that knocks her out for a minimum of 10 days. Then I went into Environmental Science (ahh devil class!) and found that our quiz was moved to Thursday, which gives me more time to look over the vocab. I just hope APES doesn't kick my ass around all over the place like Biology did. The class is also more challenging due to the fact that the AP Exam is STILL in May and we have to keep studying throughout the second semester. If senioritis kicks in, I'm screwed. I can't believe I have homework and will have to do it. School really sucks and I can't wait til the weekend.

live it up before boredom

WOOOOOOOOOO!!! That's what I have to say about today. After a boring family reunion and a grueling 5 hour trip home... I got to go out on the LAKE!! I was dressed and ready, waiting for that phone call. You have NO idea how happy I was to jump into that inner tube (as much as I looked like I didn't ... I was just trying to be GOOD)! I got to hang out with a great person the entire day aside from the CONSTANT BICKERING of which I soon made a habit of leaving the scene. Oh well one of my knuckles is skinned and two on the other hand are too and my blisters are re-rubbed (<---really a word?) on my heels... BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT! I LEARNED HOW TO WAKEBOARD!!! And yes, I AM glad I tried it! I can't wait to get back on the water again... the lake is the bomb! Today was so fucking awesome - that is the only way to put it. I can't believe school starts in 2 days I am going to die of boredom because the 2 days before it were fun-filled to the MAX. I miss summer already and it's coming to an end (*tear*). After looking at my last blog, I found that I was a HUGE mess that night, I wish I could delete it but I feel it is there for a reason. I feel a little less akward around you but I still want you more than ever... I just still want you to know that.  OH well today was great -- I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!
:D