work

If you only once would let me

Only just one time

Then be happy with the consequence

With whatever's gonna happen tonight

Don't think we're not serious

When's it ever not

The love we make is killing its take

A game to play along



All I can say

I should of said

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time



All the best DJs are saving

The slowest song for last

When the dance is through

Its me and you

Come on would it really be so bad

The things we think might be the same

But I won't falthom more

Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve

Count on the for sure



All I can say

I should of said

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Wanna take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Yeah - We still have time



Can't say I was never wrong

But some blame rests on you

Work and play

They're never okay

To mix the way we do



All I can say

I should of said

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Wanna take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

We still have time

shnow

So, here's a picture of me my dad took a while ago. It's pretty decent, so I decided to post it. As you can see, there are stuffed animals behind me. I am such a kid. It snowed today - HUGE snowflakes - but then iced. It is extremely cold (for us Southerners) and I really hope we don't have school on Monday.

it's FRIDAY!

Yes, it is Friday! I would like to wrap up what a wonderful week it has been, but I have something that REALLY irks me.
Don't you hate it when people are attracted to someone you NEVER thought they would like or they are with someone who is definitely NOT at their level? That really bugs me. Not saying that I am at anyone's "level", but it's just odd to see a couple try to push and pull their way through when they actually have no emotional or mental attraction. When they can't carry on an intellectual conversation or be away from one another without feeling sorry for themselves - gah! That's the worst... when they feel bad because their significant other is not there. As if they can't get out of their lonely state and DO something! Get your ass up and have fun with some other people! Your "loved one" is not the ONLY one, you know. I know I sound like Foamy or something right now, but it's the truth. Don't try to hold on to something that isn't going to work and never will... trust me, I learned the hard way (sadly). I am just so pissed at that. I know I have pitied myself at times, but not to make others feel bad about what they do or why they aren't there to make things better. Grrrrr.
So, I made a 1:13 in the breast (my ultimate goal time!) this Wednesday at the conference meet and dropped 3 seconds off my 200 IM, winning both events. Ashley and I (TWO people) beat two teams. It was incredible... we are some fucking beasts. Then Centrington (hehehe) went to La Fuente's and tore the place up. It was so much fun. Then I bought a fastskin for $25 (normally $100!) that I can use at the state meet (Thanks, Matt - I owe you one!). I am more prepared for this meet more than anything. I have waited for this perfect season to roll around - 8 second drop from last year... incredible.
Moving on to the prom deal. Well, Rosco said he would go to prom with me after I mentioned I wouldn't go if I didn't have a date. We first got on the subject when we were complaining about the other half of the class ALREADY talking about it. It's months from now, people - chill out. I am still not sure if he was joking or really serious, but witnesses (*ahem* Tiff Tiff!) think he was serious. He also said I was very attractive... how nice. I went to the game against Ledford and they got raped. It was almost boring. And Tiff's just jealous that her prom date can't shoot 3's like mine! LOL! I don't know what the deal is, but I guess I will have to figure out sometime or another. Poo.
Tomorrow, I can sleep in until the afternoon and just lay around all day. Hell yes - it's great to know I will get to enjoy a free Saturday once more.

i don't wanna know

Well, today was the second day of the Hillsborough meet and I am really, really tired. I want to just take a break from swimming right now because I am so sick of that chlorine smell that lingers through every pore in my body. I'm sick of pushing myself until it hurts, burns, and groans with every stroke. I hate that taste of blood in the back of your throat every time you give it your all and you're gasping for breath as if there isn't enough air in the atmosphere to satisfy your lungs. Every time I race, people ask me what I think about. Do you really want to know? I think, 'Why am I doing this to myself? I could just hop out in the middle of this race, walk out, and never look at a pool again', but I never seem to find the motivation to leave swimming behind. It's fine, but can't there be a point where it's too much? I know I haven't hit that point and I doubt I ever will, but there has to be a limit somewhere. A limit that would make you insane if you did one more stroke, felt one more drop of liquid on your skin, or gasped for one more breath above the surface of the rippling water. Ahhhh ... whatever. Many coaches could tell I was naturally good at breaststroke. They complimented my stroke and its strength. For once, I wasn't the only breaststroker that threw my hands out of the water and forward. There were many people... including an 11 year old who did a 1:13 today. That's just ridiculous, but good for him. I will be watching that kid on TV, along with all the other people, one day. Needless to say, I got 6th in the 100 breast and 9th in the 200 breast (tedious, I might add) against a bunch of year round (life-long) swimmers. Not bad. It will be the same at the state meet... and I wouldn't be suprised if it were the SAME girls that will beat me there, too. I am so exhausted and I just hope I have enough of whatever it is that is keeping me going to do well at the conference meet. It's my LAST CHANCE to get a better seed time. I need this...



Your eyes were covered in sunglasses
When they first met mine
I sat there and stared at you
You didn't seem to mind
The awkward ways we meet

wasteful weekend

Yeah, so today was just ... a Sunday. I couldn't sleep last night, as usual. The day started with being forced to go through my clothes (NOOO!!) by Mom, since she can't get my room "clean enough". Then, Alan and I started playing indoor baseball, making our parent's bed 1st base, the guest bed 2nd, and the sewing table 3rd. Home was at the end of the hall, so the stretch from 3rd to home was almost impossible to make. It ended with two beds in shambles and a few spools of thread knocked over. Yey for indoor games. Then I rode around the house with Trigger (my old toy horse that's a horsehead on a stick ... you get what I'm saying) and my beanie on. I finally got out of my pjs, got clean, and put on some workout pants and a t-shirt. Many homemade brownies were polished off before I took a walk with Mom, then studied some Biology. Don't you hate it when things just randomly fall, even if nothing is happening to make them fall? Well, a little ceramic horse my friend gave me (Carmen, I'm sorry!) fell and it's ear, leg, AND tail broke. It made me sad. I am definitely using some superglue on it tomorrow. Since I am so ADHD, I spent a lot of the time trying to fit the pieces together and looking at my old pictures of Booey (I miss him so much), instead of studying. Oops. I am going to have to crack down sometime tomorrow and get some studying done. I also have swim practice, even though we don't have school. I was REALLY wanting to ride my Boo Boo, but, of course, practice is smack-dab in the middle of the afternoon, making it almost impossible not to cut riding short or be on time for practice (most likely BOTH). Phooey to that. Austin Powers was funny tonight, and then my little brother started pissing me off. He sits in front of the computer, doing absolutely nothing (no, I am serious... like HONESTLY just clicking on the desktop on random places) to piss me off and not let me on. The patience I have is AMAZING sometimes. My mom and I fell upon one of my old dresses she made (yeah, a DRESS... one time thing), and got an idea for my prom dress. I found it funny how we articulately planned it out, style and everything, just to remember that I don't even have a date. I already concluded that, if I do not have a date, I am not going to prom. There is no reason to... prom is never fun and I wouldn't miss out on anything. And who cares if it's senior year? I think I would have more fun at home with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a good movie. Mom and I should definitely forget plans for prom... pjs beat a dress and heels ANY DAY.

strenuous saturday

Blah. I spent over 4 hours cleaning my room... it sucked really, REALLY bad. I guess it can be a plus, since I will be able to walk through my room with ease. I never found that a huge problem, but obviously my mom did. Last night, Hannah and I hit up the game where we defeated North Rowan and let a guy with a dangerously big chin dunk on us. It's okay, because Ju dunked twice within the first quarter, although we (slackers, I know) didn't get there in time. Rosco also scored over 40 points that game - that's just ridiculous. Then Ashley, Hannah, and I went to Sonic then Hannah's house and watched about half of Breakfast Club. I didn't get to bed until about midnight due to a little conversation, but good news was involved. So, today pretty much consisted of me staying in my pjs all day. Yey. I can't wait until All District because we will be spending 3 nights in Boone, which rocks. I will get to skip a Friday and hang out with (usually) the same people from the year before, and so on. That is the one thing that makes me happy that I stuck with band. I am not passionate about it enough to really pursue anything in college, but I will still toot my horn here and there. I also found some of my artwork all folded up from years ago and hopefully I will be able to frame them and hang them up. There is one perspective painting I definitely want framed in plexiglass. My swimming was ridiculously slow this week and sleep is definitely the limiting factor to dropping my time. It's like everytime I try to MAKE myself sleep, I can't. I lay in bed with numerous thoughts swirling through my head, unable to sleep. I want to not think (which is impossible) for once, and just drift off. It sounds so easy, but is so difficult to do. The beginning of the week was awesome - everything was looking up. But by the end of the week, things started going downhill. I guess my life is like a drastically sloped rollercoaster - even my friend complained about it. I can't ever have an "okay" life... it's either really bad or really good. Poo.

ermmm til next week?

Ok, so one of my classmates is DEFINITELY applying to the same college as me... bummer. We will most likely pretend as if we don't know each other or go to the same hometown, for that matter (as we act towards each other at the present time). We have never really gotten along because he's a prep and usually a jerk to people. I am also pretty upset that I missed Sewanee's swim coach's call today when I was in Winston. I KNEW I should have stayed home! He said he would call back, predictably, he didn't. He's in Florida with the rest of those lucky ass swimmers, so he should be on the beach or something. I know I would be! None of us band nerds have figured out the results from try-outs yesterday, so everyone is freaking out and IMing each other (I'm guilty of it, too). I wish I could know already. I had a dream last night that I was last chair, bottom band. I about cried. I know this sounds arrogant, but it would be so embarassing if I made bottom band. Some kids would find that a blessing, but my reputation is held a little higher than that. Phooey... I hate this. Well, it is a Sunday, making it the last day until next weekend that internet becomes freely available to me, so - until Friday night!

weekend wonder

Well, yey! I AM allowed on the weekends, thank goodness. Tuesday was a home meet, but I was unfortunately beaten. Dylan Spake pulled ahead by 3 seconds, but at least I sustained a 1:15. I will hopefully get my time down even more, especially since I have been swimming twice a day again. We did breaststroke 25's yesterday and I already felt stronger. The rest of the week flew by progressively. Tiff Tiff and I made the highest grade in AP Cal, and the AP Bio quiz was so EASY. I just need to keep these studying habits up and I will be good to go. I also finally got my merit essay done and sent last night via mail. Everything else has just been the norm. Hannah and I roamed Wally World last night, gathering supplies for an awesome home-made tee. She finished it and I can't wait to see it. All District Try-outs were today and it was the worst audition yet. I messed up a little on every one of my scales, totally bombing my chromatic scale by failing to go up it after 3 tries. I hit the G on my second try and went down quickly. The solo was almost flawless and the sightreading, I swear, was the same. They must have screwed up somewhere. Drew and I calculated a 153 ( he's sneaky, hehe) from what he saw, but a 153 out of what?? I have to call Howie tomorrow to get my results, and I am sooo scared. I sure do hope I did better than I thought I did... I don't even think I made it! I will just cross my fingers.

it's the end of the world as we know it

Well, it looks like the end folks. I am going to miss publishing my life on here for the few who read, and hopefully I will return in a month or so. Things really suck, but I think if I beg enough, I will be able to be on here on the weekends... which means LONG blogs summarizing the week. Fun fun. My time is running out, so goodbye for now...
On to another semester of school - but my last! YEY!

more work, less play

Today, I was awaken by Mom at 10, because she wants us to get used to waking up sometime before noon again. I had lunch with Alexi before saying goodbye to her. I really miss and love that girl. She better come back soon... everything really sucks without her. Then, I got home and worked on my merit essay all afternoon until I finally finished it around 5:30. I am really satisfied with it, especially since I got myself to actually sit down and git r' dun. I thought the hard part was writing it, but I found printing it out was even worse. My disk drive ended up becoming disaligned at some point, so it never really got the entire file on the floppy. So, after I get mad at how the main downstairs computer and none of the other computers would read it, we figured that out. Then, my mp3 player came in handy. Yes... weird, but convenient. So, we try to find some software on the internet to put on my computer to even see the removable drive, but then remember that the mp3 player came with a disk. So, we search for that, find it and think our problems are over. Not quite... the CD drive decides NOT to open. Then, we dig around for a paperclip, jam it into the manual opener and get it open. After all the hassle, it decides to read it. Damn, my machine is a straight PIECE. At least I won't have to worry about it, anymore. I am supposed to have lunch with Tia tomorrow then swim practice... woohoo. Back to the real world that we all live in. I guess I never ran away from it... I just decided not to recognize it during the break as long as I could. It made things more enjoyable, I must admit. I can't believe school starts Tuesday... a whole new semester. I think the only class I will really have to watch myself in is AP Biology. Thank goodness it is similar to APES, so I kind of prepped myself for it. Tomorrow is the last day before technological exile... I promise I will write.

holiday blur

Wow... so much to recap.
It all began with my moment of glory when I took first in the county swim meet in 100 breast with a new personal best time - 1:15.28. There was so much stress leading up to it, especially when I found I was NOT seeded first. There was a girl from Ledford who supposedly claimed a 1:16.95... but the '.95' part seemed a bit suspicious. Knowing me, I overreacted and practically psyched myself out about it. My legs trembled as my coach tried to calm me down and I put my face into my hands. My skin turned pale and I couldn't stop shaking. I got on the blocks only to find that the girl, who was seeded ahead of me, was more of a mess than I was. She had tears rolling down her face and kept repeating, "No... I can't breathe, I can't breathe." Ashley (Mills) and I looked at each other and a little hope sparked in both of us. The start flew by when I sprang from the blocks, frantically trying to get ahead. As I pushed off after the first 25, I saw the competitor's legs sluggishly kick beside me (towards the wall) while I did my underwater pull. My tense body relaxed a bit as I settled into a fast, but sustainable pace. I was going to win. I got off of every wall with speed and power, and I pushed myself as fast as I could on the last lap. It was the best swim I ever had. My mom said that everyone was screaming, but I couldn't hear anything but my own breathing and my scream of victory at the wall. My coach also yelled "YES!" when I hit the wall, which indicated I had done well. I beamed with pride and grinned so much as soon as I got out. I couldn't believe it. A girl from a 3 person team, and everyone was cheering for me. I didn't understand it, but I still beat the fastest guy's time by over half a second. Now THAT'S flattering... hehe. So, I stole first from that chick's bull$h!t time and Ashley Mills got second, just as we had all hoped. Ashely Auman got her state cut in breast, which means I will not being going alone to states. Thank goodness. Then I went out to lunch with Matt and it was pretty good, except the slight 'spill' in the driveway (you can barely see it, now). Then we said our goodbyes and I headed on home for, literally, a few minutes. I am glad that the summer idea is still in consideration... it makes me happy. So, I was out to see Alexi not soon after I got home and didn't come back until 10:30 at night. Then, I spent the night last night at her place, watched the ball drop, had some bubblies, and shot roman candles at cars (haha, it left white spots... the people still haven't noticed). That's what my parents get for giving Chocolate those things! Alexi and I slept until about 11, got some breakfast, then laid in bed until about 2. We finally got enough energy to hit up the mall, the only place that was open. I got home around 7, cleaned up all the stuff my mom was bitching about, then started on my essay (yes, it is getting done - for those who want to know). Now I am just sitting around, knowing that Alexi is leaving tomorrow. She is the only person that could make me smile, even though I was still sad deep down because of his absence. It's like everything is right when he is around, but when he leaves, so does that feeling. I hate to think that several more torturous months will pass without seeing him again. It sometimes makes me wonder, is it really worth it? I sure hope so... especially since I would give anything to hold his hand and, for once, not feel guilty. I will also be deprived of all technology for the next month or so, which makes things worse. The phone is becoming my best friend. This may be one of my last entries before I enter the world of complete anguish... withdrawal from the internet. Savor my life adventures while you can, call me if you wish to speak, and if you don't know it... well...
I got your ass now, don't I?