weary weekend

Gee, it feels like forever since I've written in this thing. This past weekend was All-District Band and it DEFINITELY had its ups and downs. We left Thursday evening (just a little late) and got up to Boone around 8:30 or so. That night in the hotel was quite pleasant - we all laid on the couches around the fire in the lobby, talked, ate, and used the computer. The hotel was pretty quiet, but Amy (cool chick from North I met) and I about froze our asses off that night when we went to bed. I wish that was the only problem. Everyone started not getting along with each other, the clinician WAS a good director but didn't have the greatest attitude, and we were all definitely ready to go home by Sunday. I saw all my friends from the years past there, which was somewhat comforting. The last two nights in the hotel was insane. Over 2 tour buses FILLED with church kids pulled up and it went downhill from there. They were like ants - on the stairs, on the couch, in the pool, on the floor, in the halls... it was ridiculous. I about took out some stupid 11/12 year old kid who wanted to start something from outside the bus. He thought he was hot shit until I hunted him down in the lobby - in front of his mom. Yeah... what an idiot. The guys from our band decided to be assholes and glue our toiletries down to the counter, leave condoms in the shower, and put numbing medicine on the toilet seat. I had about enough. I wish they would grow up and I can't wait til I go off to college where I can actually find guys who are somewhat mature. The concert was pretty good, especially the trumpet solos. The first chair trumpet player's sound was incredible. Everytime he played his solos (especially his flugelhorn one), chills would run down my back and goosebumps would form on my skin. His sound was so full and as if his trumpet was singing. He could make it mellow and dark, or bright and brassy. Either way, he about took my breath away with every sound that came from his trumpet. I wanted to steal his sound and make it my own. I couldn't even express envy because I was too busy gawking over it. Our band was the last to perform, but we pulled it out, tired lips and all. We sounded the best I had ever heard. Even the 64th notes in the 5 flat key seemed easier to do when we stepped on stage. I left satisfied, but exhausted. Unfortunately, I had to work on my Biology brochure the moment I got home. I am still trying to recover from this weekend, so please forgive me if I seem almost delirious during conversation.

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go
Thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift
Cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems
I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in
I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you

I almost wish you would've loved me too

icky monday... sorta

Today was... a Monday. It pretty much sucked. I sat in class and felt awful due to lack of sleep and the rain. Rain makes me incredibly drowsy and nonchalant on school days. Profe had returned from carpal tunnel surgery on her left hand and it's pathetic to watch her try to do things, yet it's quite funny at the same time. I am really going to feel sorry for her when she gets her right hand done, especially since her Mustang is a stick shift. Ouch. The day in school was no fun, but luckily I was able to go out and ride. Teehehe. The weather miraculously cleared up, making the day not near as bad. I have stumbled upon something that will make my school day quite interesting tomorrow, so I have concluded to rock one of my scarves. Thank goodness tomorrow isn't a Monday.

sparkling sunday

Well, I woke up a little later than I expected today, but it was nothing drastic. Hung around the house a bit before taking a shower and cleaning up the room. Then, I asked Mom something I had wanted to for a while, and I winced before she simply (and ironically) replied "Okay, whatever". All those nerves worked up for nothing... geez. All I have to say is that it was really good times and I had a lot of fun. We should hang out more often. Teehehe.

Hey, Cronos - thanks for the advice. I think I will smile more often - it's gotten me pretty lucky here lately.

smiling saturday

Well... last night was INCREDIBLE. That's about all the detail I can put into that. Hehehe.
Hannah, I heart you. You are the bomb and I am so backing your ass up anytime EVER. Thanks!
So, I have been riding a lot this week, and my mom has been whining about that. First, she was complaining about how I NEVER ride my horse and blah blah blah, now she's griping about how I never swim. Can't I make anyone happy around here? This week was okay, not at its best. I felt distracted in class and my teachers noticed it, as well. My focus was elsewhere and I tried and tried to get it back, but I couldn't. I just hated seeing worried faces staring at me when I walked into class every period, as if I had the word 'disturbed' written on my forehead. Rosco even walked by one day and started stroking the top of my nose with his finger, as if to comfort me. I just want to be left alone. I don't even feel like I am acting differently, but the faces looking at me have not been the same. For some reason, I thought I was good at hiding what I felt inside, no matter how intense it was, but I think it has seeped out without me even knowing. I just want to stop going to school and keep my face hidden, because no one needs to see what is really on the inside. But I must admit, I am recovering.

perfect world

I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

I pictured I could bring you back
I pictured I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing at all

sluggish sunday

I am SO happy it is the weekend (an extended one, as well)! I didn't have to wake up early at all Saturday morning, even though I ended up waking up at 10 because my back was killing me. I also didn't swim at ALL this past week and it feels pretty good to let myself take a break. I was actually supposed to swim with someone today (*AHEM*) and help him with his underwater pull, but he hasn't gotten in touch with me for the past few days. I know I will have to pick it back up sometime this week, but I was getting pretty used to coming home and lounging around. I also got to see my Bobo on Friday and the first thing he did was slobber across my face. It was disgusting, but cute. I didn't blame him for it. I am definitely going to pick back up on riding a WHOLE lot more. I really did miss it. Yesterday, Alan and I experienced the fun of tilling the garden. After we finally got the thing running, we would both grab on to the handles and keep it from dragging us around. Doing the center part of each bed was the funnest - one of us to each handle. At one point, the damn thing dragged us forward and I ended up stepping in the garden and Alan mashed his hand down in the dirt. After I let go of the handle to let it idle, we were laughing so hard, it turned over and died. One time, the blades wouldn't even move, so we took the blades off to find a HUGE rusty nail stuck between them. What all DOES my mom put in her garden?!? We ended up tilling until it was almost dark, but it was still hilarious. My family and I watched I, Robot last night and it was pretty good. I believe the book is said to be much better than the movie and I am sure that Isaac Asimov does a MUCH better telling of the story than Hollywood does. I got a great night's sleep (until 1 this afternoon), which felt wonderful - too bad Mom woke me up. It's really dark and cloudy outside, but it's still 60 degrees. That makes no sense. Well, that's about everything, except I have to give mad props out to Matt who rocked out this weekend and cut time like crazy in his breaststroke. Good job, I knew you could do it! :)
Yey.

Yey... it's Anna and I at the state meet! Fun times. That's like half the Brookside staff right there, folks. Hehe. That suit I'm wearing (Recordbreaker) is the BOMB! I absolutely love it and it feels so cool in the water. Bubbles come off of it everytime I jump in the pool. Drew also said it looked cool underwater, too. It's a good pic, so I had to put it up. 

wet wednesday

Yeah... it's one of those days outside where it's so humid you can see your breath, ridiculously cloudy, but never really RAINS. It kind of misted, I guess. It's only mid February and has hit above 6o degrees. I don't mind it, but spring is coming up a little too fast. This week is creeping by slowly and not having to swim is really making everything seem even slower. Drew was right, this has been the absolute best swim season and I already do miss it. It's weird coming home and not having to rush upstairs and struggle my way in and out of clothing and swim suits. I just come home... and that's about it. I am definitely starting up riding soon, but I will have to get through this bomb of Biology homework that has been thrown at us. I have to finish up both of my lab reports, make an interactive poster, and complete this HUGE test that no one finished today. Oh yeah, and it's all due tomorrow. Ick. So, being top in the class is taking its toll at the moment because have this huge expectation beating on my back every minute I want to kick back and take a break from my studies. I always have that voice in the back of my head saying "Do you know what this could do to your GPA?". I think my mom has seriously crawled into my head - logical explanation. I ended up not getting the Merit Scholarship from Sewanee (poo), but I guess I can stock up on other ones to make up for it. I sometimes wonder that, if I hadn't applied to Sewanee early, I would have gotten offered a swimming scholarship from another college. I'm not sure, but at least I am on the safe side of that unanswered question. I just wish that life wouldn't revolve around the clock so much, because it always works to your disadvantage. Everytime you wish that time could stop - that another minute couldn't pass by - it falls away quicker than grains of sand between your fingertips. And when you want the clock to fast forward into months ahead, time creeps by and drags its feet along the way. Life is utterly ironic.

extreme exhaustion

Yeah, so the state meet took place yesterday and I ended up making it to the finals in both of my individual events. I was so tired and my mind was elsewhere by the time finals rolled around. My body would go through the motions, but my mind was almost shut down into an unconscious state. I left the meet with worse placements than my seed time ranks - 14th in the 200 IM, 6th in the 100 breast. I guess I was just worried about the breast the most, but I still "didn't get anything", as my coach said. The top four get a medal and the fifth gets a picture. On the long trip home, I realized that, compared to the last 3 years, I would have given ANYTHING to be in the top 8, much less the finals. I had dropped so much time and I doubt any of those girls I swam against had improved as much as I had in one season. I had never swam IM before (competitively) until this year, so making the finals in that meant I was doing pretty damn good. By the end of the meet, everyone was tired and cranky (more than others). My coach was acting like a TOTAL d**k after I had swam my last final event. He was cussing up a storm and got an attitude with everyone. I hope he is proud for how he acted, because Ashley doesn't even want to swim next year because of how he put himself out. I must admit I wasn't the happiest camper of the bunch either, but I was the one getting in the pool and swimming my ass off, not him. We'll see how next year holds up for them. As for me, this past week has been quite amazing. I have been accepted to Sewanee (Early Decision) and can't wait to start a new life on their campus. I got my transcript on Thursday to find that I was finally, finally 1st in my class. Then, I went to the state meet and put everything into it and came out not looking too bad. Sure, being 5th or better would have been awesome, but 6th in the state ain't too damn shabby, either. The worst part of being 6th was the time I got. Even if I had gotten my best time all over again, I still would have placed 6th, anyway. It's just bad that everyone will look at that 1:17 and say, she got 6th?!?! Yeah, I did. Oh well, I know what I did wrong and there's nothing I can do to go back and change it, so that's that. I'm peacing out for now, ya'll.