forgive me but i can't be everything you deserve

I want to kick you in your stupid face right now... you fucked up everything for me, even in the long run. It may have felt like so long ago, but the scars still remain.



I hate being insecure.
He was perfect.
You ruined it.




Fuck you.







Hey
Did you hear about my mistakes
I never thought you'd see me looking down...

move along

Home was great.

It was a break from the toil of college and the stress of the atmosphere there. The best of my friends even came back and that made it the best. Brudder was right when saying that no matter how you think that your college friends are going to become closer to you than your friends from home, it never happens. Don't get me wrong, I have had some fun experiences at college, but the feeling when I am with my friends from home is irreplaceable. You don't have to hold back, because they know everything about you anyway. I feel like a real person around them. They help me bring me back to who I am whenever I am around them. They make me feel like home. If any of them ever visited me up here, I know that a little piece of home would be with me, and that is like a miracle. The scent of home, the views, the roads, the memories, but mostly the friends. They will never change... and if they do, they always go back to the way they were when they are home. Home scars you in the best way. I am proud of the scars that home has left on me. I show them with pride.
It is those times you know who your real friends are, and that they will always be there for you. They were the people who made me cry when I left, even though I hated my town with every inch of my body.
I sometimes wish I wasn't so far from home...







When everything is wrong
We move along...

hmmm...

I will always be curious as to how you really feel...








I am sure I have used these lyrics numerous, numerous times on here, but...

Forgive me but I can't be everything you deserve
And I know it's too late to crawl back to you tonight
But there's a few things that I just need you to know
Like the way I felt when we were close
And how the stars explode every time you are near.







I can NOT wait to go home.

caring is creepy.

So... I could just lay down and die right now because I feel like complete SHIT. This is a horrible cold. If I'm not coughing, my nose is running; if my nose isn't running, it's stopped up; if it's stopped up, I'm coughing and then maybe it's running, too.
I can't wait to go home this weekend. I wanna see my Alfie Boy and sleep in my own bed... that will be the cure. Everytime I feel just completely miserable, I wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me - if this is more than a cold. Sure, swim season is over... but the lack of exercise definitely doesn't help my immune system. The worst part is I WANT to do something, but I can't because I feel so bad. Grrr.

*wipes nose* I just hate being sick.


Early bedtime?

valentine?

Happy VALENTINE'S Day aka Singles Awareness Day... (sorta)



I miss swimming already. This girl on our team gave me a huge hug today in the hall and was like, "IT'S BEEN 2 DAYS!!" It is sad how close we become. One of the guys on the swim team even gave every girl on the team flowers... now THAT'S what a guy should be doing.

I am trying to continue the ab workouts, because all I have been doing is working, eating, and sleeping. I have got to start running or something. I don't want Mr. Pudge coming to visit me. He's very unwelcome.

I still have a shitload of work. And I just finished watching a movie...



Yeahhh... that's about it.
Hope everyone's V-day is a good one! :)

scac

Well.... *takes a deep breath*

The conference meet was long, tiring, and VERY interesting.
First and foremost, both our guys and girls got 3rd in the conference, so that was pretty exciting. Rose-Hulman was only 7 pts away from putting our guys to shame, but we pulled out. I think coach was relieved, but not overjoyed, especially since we got 2nd last year. I don't know if this will happen, but I HOPE that we win conference once in my swimming career at Sewanee.
I ended up returning to every evening swimming session, which means I was top 16 in all of my individual events, even 200 IM! I seriously wasn't expecting that... I dropped 9 seconds from what the psyche sheet said. I ended up getting 16th (hehehe) in that, but hey, not too bad, considering I have only swam it like 3 times this season. I dropped 2 seconds on my 100 breast and placed 10th, while dropping 10 seconds in the 200 breast and got 9th. I did better in my breaststroke events, but still just missed making the final heat. I was sort of upset, but what looks better - first/second in the consolation heat, or absolutely last in the finals?? Ahhh... I dunno.
I saw a couple of people I knew from other schools, and that sure brought back alot of memories. The person that really got me was Landon... that kid turned out to be pretty awesome. I wasn't sure if he was going to even talk to me, especially since he had a girlfriend. But not even my first 5 minutes on deck and I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to that smile that used to be blurred and undetailed from pictures and looked at his deep caramel eyes. It was him, and he was real. He was exactly how he was on the phone and via email. His voice, his personality... it was all so real and so accurate. I wonder if I seemed any different in person. After every race, especially if I was upset, he would wait for me at the edge of the pool while I was warming down, just to get a few words in. Considering how we kind of "met," this was a drastic change of how I would see him in person. I sure hope we keep in touch.
Annnnddd there were plenty of other things that happened at conference, but haha... there's just sooo much.
Now that I had so much fun at confernce, I have to spend the next week and a half making up work. Ickkypoo. :(


[I can name all 50 states
48 get in the way
From me being next to you]






I need a nap.

a casus

I have ultimately lost respect for you. I thought you cared a little more about yourself.














..who feels love?

the answer

My comforts drop and melt away like snow:
I shake my head, and all the thoughts and ends,
Which my fierce youth did bandy, fall and flow
Like leaves about me: or like summer friends,
Flies of estates and sunshine. But to all,
Who think me eager, hot, and undertaking,
But in my prosecutions slack and small;
As a young exhalation, newly waking,
Scorns his first bed of dirt, and means the sky;
But colling by the way, grows pursy and slow,
And settling to a cloud, doth live and die
In that dark state of tears: to all, that so
Show me, and set me, I have one reply,
Which they that know the rest, know more than I.

-- George Herbert