Monday, April 24, 2006

feelings are so overrated

I feel like I should write something, and I have a shitload to say, but I just don't even know where to begin or how to say it all.

1. You're fucking crazy. Like crazier than me... and that's saying something.
I'm not going to argue against your future plans, but I just hope that's what you really want to do.
You know who you are.
Psssh...likeyoucare.

2. Hub... don't beat yourself over this. Things will get better and you know you did everything for the best. You are a caring and honest person, and everyone should value that about you.
"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same..." - The Fray

3. I am about to fucking flip out over all theses tests and papers... the worst part is that my past swim prospective (who rocks, by the way) is coming back to make her final decision between here and Depauw (booooo...), and will have to stay with someone else because I am tanked with work. Plus, my roommate has NO work... none. So she is just strutting around the room with nothing to do.

4. I just want summer to be here. There's so many people to see, people...er... I mean... things to do, music to listen to, and lakehouses to chill on. And I miss my best... she truly IS the best. This summer is going to be incredible if all goes to plan.

5. I am stoked for Warped Tour. Both of them... yeeeeeeeeessss!!!!!!!


...I still feel like I have something to say, but I can't put my finger on it, so toodles for now kids.

Friday, April 21, 2006

what is trust

My trust issues are making my insides itch again... it keeps bothering me.
Maybe I don't trust you when you're away. I want to. And though I feel like I can, something inside keeps saying, "...what if...?"
I just keep thinking about what happened, what you could be hiding, what you could be doing.
Maybe I am just paranoid and need to stop, but I can't help but wonder... and can't help but be terrified of getting hurt.
I'm tired of it.
And I don't even want to go home anymore. Nowhere is fucking safe.
Not here, not home, not anywhere. My heart is constantly vulnerable.

I seriously need to find a new lifestyle or something.




Am I your match, or just a flame in the fire?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

how to save a life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

choas

Complications
My claim to fame
And I can’t believe there’s another
Constantly just another
I can’t avoid what I can’t control
And I’m losing ground
Still I can’t stand down
And I know
Yeah I know
Yeah...

I know you stay true when my world is false
And everything around is breaking down to chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
And everything around is breaking down to chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the letdowns I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through
Best to try while I still can breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me hope somehow
And I know
Yeah I know
Yeah...

I know you stay true when my world is false
And everything around is breaking down to chaos
I know you stay
I know you stay true when my world is false
And everything around is breaking down to chaos
I know you stay...

Monday, April 10, 2006

misery loves me

So, my cat of almost 14.5 years was put down today...
I loved him so much. I remember the days when he was so small, he would escape through a fence hole. It's not going to be the same without my Poobs brushing affectionately against my legs and murmuring his funny meow at me, while staring up with those large yellow eyes. I couldn't imagine what it was like to not have that spark in his eye. Even at the age he was, he still had that same energy in him. He did such a great job of hiding his sickness when looking into that cute whiskered face, but his ribs showed otherwise.
This past weekend was probably the closest thing I had to a vacation in a long time, and it was incredible. I realize that people will always care about me, no matter who I'm with or where I am. You guys are the best. I wish I was closer in the summer...
Even though my mother tells me that she doesn't think I should return to Sewanee, I feel so attached here. There is nothing better than standing off the edge of a stone balcony, overlooking the campus when dimly lit at night. Even without the colorful decorations of spring, the campus is gorgeous. The wind played with my stray hairs that escaped from my ponytail and my mp3 player set the mood perfectly. I would rather be nowhere else... this place is a part of me now.
I don't want to go home. It's just not worth it.


I love you Poobs... always. I know you are at a better place now.

i'm buying more matches.

I'm lighting matches off of you
And burning bridges all for you
Their fires made a perfect view
Of what seemed to be your mouth

I'm letting loose one more regret
The two of us never looked so bad
I've watched the changes through your eyes
Like a movie for all my life

I'm lighting matches off of you
And building changes all for you
Their fires made a perfect view
Of what seemed to be your mouth

I'm letting loose one more regret
The two of us never looked so bad
I've watched the changes through your eyes
Like a movie of my life

God, this makes me sick to say
But theres one more regret -
The two of us never felt so right.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

hip hip ... hooray!

SO.... we got into St. Lukes!! I can't believe it! What are the odds of THAT?!? Ahh.
Thank goodness my roomie's an ER and thank goodness for good luck. Wooo.

I wanna go to the lake this weekend... hopefully that will be the case. :)
Gotta prospie for Experience Weekend on Friday. Hope things go well and hope that it isn't long, so I can go out on the lake.
Did I mention that I wanted to go to the lake? Yeah...


This past weekend was fun! Even though mother nature hated us, it was still good times.

Sometimes you just be like ... DAMMMN.