Okay... so I officially don't want to leave home.
There are so many reasons why I shouldn't go.
I wish I could list them, but they're mostly names....
Summer school sucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksssss.
How can I live for 6 weeks away from the people I have been the closest to for the majority of my life?? Argggh, it's just not fair.
I guess I can only know that I tried my hardest not to, but I failed. Damnit.
I just don't know what to do with myself right now.
I have also realized that most of my latest blogs have been lacking in words and thoughts. Sorry... I just don't even know what to say. There is just so much to write, yet I can't even find the words to go along with the thoughts swirling through my head. I am also afraid to say alot of things on my mind. My feelings, my infatuations, my sorrow, my happiness... all of it. It's just too much.
I just am glad that people don't always know what I am thinking. I can be so doubtful of things sometimes. They will say something and some negative thought against their statement will pop into my head. Sometimes it is an argument, a retort, even a joke. It is slightly depressing, yet it is how I think. Unfortunately, it is only to guard myself from any hopes of a better life. I always feel there is no way for things to eventually come together for me.
But I want it so bad.
2 days until my better half is here. Thank goodness.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
strangers.
So I guess there is nothing left... I can only look forward to the few days I have here before summer school.
I just hate feeling unwanted. It is a truly horrible feeling and that is why I keep doubting myself. Nothing good could ever come out of anything I attempt.
Love is something that will never be achieved. I guess I will learn to accept that fact.
It was good visiting my roommate. I realized how much I missed her and that she is a large part in my life now, especially after spending so much time with her in the past. We can read each other so well and always have something to laugh about. I am just glad that I lucked out in the roommate department, unlike many of my classmates. I'd do about anything for her, and hopefully she would do the same for me.
June 1st. I need you. now.
I just hate feeling unwanted. It is a truly horrible feeling and that is why I keep doubting myself. Nothing good could ever come out of anything I attempt.
Love is something that will never be achieved. I guess I will learn to accept that fact.
It was good visiting my roommate. I realized how much I missed her and that she is a large part in my life now, especially after spending so much time with her in the past. We can read each other so well and always have something to laugh about. I am just glad that I lucked out in the roommate department, unlike many of my classmates. I'd do about anything for her, and hopefully she would do the same for me.
June 1st. I need you. now.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
phone call.
Funny how after last summer, I figured I had milked every good thing there was left out of Lexington... yet I am amazed to still find something new (and awesome). Crazy little world, it is.
I am exhuasted from just today's events. I was so worried sick about my Calc exam today that I didn't really fall asleep until about 5 this morning. Approximately 5 hours later, Tyler practically dragged me out of my bed, where we studied for 3 hours straight. I was about braindead the majority of the time, so I am not really sure how much material I comprehended, but I tried.
The exam wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (I KILLED that related rates problem!), but knowing my luck, I still won't do well in the class. I guess all I can do is hope.
After a spontaneous trip yesterday with Thy and a weird occurance on the way back, I have learned some creepy stuff about this campus... *shudders* ... whoaaa.
Anyway... I am about to hit the sack, but I just wanted to let my avid readers know that I have completed two exams, have one to go on Tuesday evening (and a poem due by Wednesday), then it's home free! I arrive in Lex Vegas on Thursday evening.
Can't wait to get home and see all my lovelies... <33333 (sorry, had to be cliche... you know you love me).
I am exhuasted from just today's events. I was so worried sick about my Calc exam today that I didn't really fall asleep until about 5 this morning. Approximately 5 hours later, Tyler practically dragged me out of my bed, where we studied for 3 hours straight. I was about braindead the majority of the time, so I am not really sure how much material I comprehended, but I tried.
The exam wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (I KILLED that related rates problem!), but knowing my luck, I still won't do well in the class. I guess all I can do is hope.
After a spontaneous trip yesterday with Thy and a weird occurance on the way back, I have learned some creepy stuff about this campus... *shudders* ... whoaaa.
Anyway... I am about to hit the sack, but I just wanted to let my avid readers know that I have completed two exams, have one to go on Tuesday evening (and a poem due by Wednesday), then it's home free! I arrive in Lex Vegas on Thursday evening.
Can't wait to get home and see all my lovelies... <33333 (sorry, had to be cliche... you know you love me).
Monday, May 01, 2006
running away, so far away
I can't stay
I can't stay with you here...
Though I wish I could.
Once again, I am weighing out the good vs. bad of leaving Sewanee. I know that it is going to be an AWESOME summer, but there is a part of me that is reluctant to leave. I won't get to see my Jojo, won't have trails around me, and I sure as hell won't have a bunch of smart people around me. It's so nice to be able to hold an intelligent conversation and not feel, well, dumb.
Also, it will be a few months before I get to see Tyler again, and that makes me really sad. He's so much fun to hang out with that I really don't know what I am going to do without him. It will be odd knowing that he's even further than 6 hours away, and that he can't spontaneously drive down to see me (while swerving and about hitting people on the way... crazy ass). I'm going to miss those green eyes and that cute smile... I sure hope we stay in touch. You will never know how much you mean to me.
Oh, and on to the swim team... what am I going to do without having breakfast with Joey every Mon/Wed/Fri??? I am ready for swim season to start again next semester already... there are some great girls coming in and I can't wait to have a season with them. I can't wait for Florida and I sure as heck can't wait for another conference meet. As sad as it is, it seems I am encouraging time to move fast. That is not what I want, but I am looking forward to so much next year. Jo and I already have our room planned out and everything...
Yet, I have this summer planned out perfectly, as well. I just hope everything goes according to plan, and it will be the best summer yet... every summer tends to get better.
...I just hope Alexi and I can stay out of trouble. Highly doubtful.
10 days.
I can't stay with you here...
Though I wish I could.
Once again, I am weighing out the good vs. bad of leaving Sewanee. I know that it is going to be an AWESOME summer, but there is a part of me that is reluctant to leave. I won't get to see my Jojo, won't have trails around me, and I sure as hell won't have a bunch of smart people around me. It's so nice to be able to hold an intelligent conversation and not feel, well, dumb.
Also, it will be a few months before I get to see Tyler again, and that makes me really sad. He's so much fun to hang out with that I really don't know what I am going to do without him. It will be odd knowing that he's even further than 6 hours away, and that he can't spontaneously drive down to see me (while swerving and about hitting people on the way... crazy ass). I'm going to miss those green eyes and that cute smile... I sure hope we stay in touch. You will never know how much you mean to me.
Oh, and on to the swim team... what am I going to do without having breakfast with Joey every Mon/Wed/Fri??? I am ready for swim season to start again next semester already... there are some great girls coming in and I can't wait to have a season with them. I can't wait for Florida and I sure as heck can't wait for another conference meet. As sad as it is, it seems I am encouraging time to move fast. That is not what I want, but I am looking forward to so much next year. Jo and I already have our room planned out and everything...
Yet, I have this summer planned out perfectly, as well. I just hope everything goes according to plan, and it will be the best summer yet... every summer tends to get better.
...I just hope Alexi and I can stay out of trouble. Highly doubtful.
10 days.
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