Tuesday, March 24, 2009

breaking away

So, yesterday was the first day of class back from Spring Break. It was beyond surreal to be sitting in the classroom again, much less forcing my brain to function. I felt like I got absolutely nothing done that day, or today. I guess I can be proud of myself for actually pushing through Stats homework and finishing it. I despise Math.

Literally 5 weeks until I graduate. I feel like all of these potential future plans are floating around in my head and I just don't know what to do or where I am going to go. While I cannot plan my future around things that are not yet promised to me (grad school acceptance), I still feel like I am dangling in mid air with the plans that I could fall back on. The economy today sadly holds no promise of me getting a legit job. Perfect timing with the graduation...  :-/

I feel like I am being pulled into two, especially with the expectations of my parents. My mom is expecting me to get accepted to a school and/or get a job that I can support myself on, which might be harder than she thinks. On the other hand, my dad is moving to Hawaii since the divorce has almost gone through, and wants me to move with him. Sound like a fairy tale? Think twice. Hawaii (Honolulu, to be exact) is a HUGE tourist area that would offer me no real job positions, and the living costs there make me sick to my stomach. While I understand that my dad wants one of the kids to "take his side" and move along with him to give my mom the big 'F-you', I don't think it's in my best interest. The beach sounds wonderful, but who am I kidding? I would just be stalling AND burning a hole through my pocket. 

The last slight pressure is that my boyfriend of 3 months, whom is excited that I am moving back to around his area, is also expecting that we move in together. Once again, while this sounds like an amazing idea and I would be more than happy to do so, I know that my mom would definitely veto the idea, as well as know that it wouldn't be financially attainable at the moment. Why does it matter to my mom, you ask? Well, considering that she graciously volunteered to help pay for my living expenses for the first month or so, I think that my living arrangements do somewhat fall in her hands. So, the best that I can do for now is moving into the same town as my boyfriend, find an apartment with 2-3 other roommates that I can hopefully stand, make some money and wait until things are financially okay enough for him and I to live together. From the way things are going, we'll have all of the time in the world to live in the same space.  :)

Fortunately, that is about the only pressure that he has put on me. The distance sucks, but it is nothing like my last long-distance relationship. We have never really argued, respect each other's boundaries, and take one another's social lives into consideration. There is no pushing, shoving, or yelling. It is by far the best thing that I have ever been in, and I don't intend on calling it quits any time soon. Yet again, reading the past posts have shown quite a comparison of things with my last serious commitment versus this one. 
Oh, did I mention that it's our 3 month mark?? 
Feels like longer. 


Needless to say, I have fallen harder than a clumsy kid on an escalator. <3