Friday, April 22, 2011

deterioration

Once again, I have neglected to post in a while. I feel like I get caught up in a whirlwind of things and never have time to write about it. That's just life, unfortunately.

On a good note, I did decide to stick it out with school. I ended up surprising myself with how well I did at the beginning, but as my health deteriorated, so did my motivation to put time into my classes. My stomach issues increased and I continued to ignore them as I had in the past, but once I went to the emergency room from horrible stomach pain, I knew it was time to do something about it. They found that I had a hiatal hernia, which is when part of the upper stomach gets pushed through your diaphragm. Most people think that sounds horrible, but, in actuality, about 50% of adults have a hiatal hernia, but it's just not bad enough to really affect them.
...NOW I know why I never knew how to burp!
It explained why I was throwing up half my food at random times of the day, as well as the stomach pain. It was nice getting some clarification, but treatment would be nice. I am currently in the process of figuring out a treatment plan and hope to be on my way back to eating mac and cheese on a regular basis. Yessssssssss.

Concerning my Great Dane, he has been incredibly resilient considering his dislocated hip. He runs and jumps just like a regular puppy (except 3 times the size now), and rarely has episodes of pain in that leg. It doesn't seem to slow him down one bit. Man, how animals can cope with serious problems... I suppose humans somehow left that instinct behind.

And, of course, I can't forget the boyfriend. We've been good, spending less time together during our chaotic schedules, but still making time. However, he is going on a expedition this summer out West to go climbing for 3 months - roadtripping. It is going to kill me without him here. He is my best friend, my confidant, and my lover. It will be tough not having him around, but I am prepared for whatever may happen. I know that we'll keep in touch, and I will be overjoyed for his return. As for now, I am living in the moment; loving him, and cherishing every minute. The fact of his departure has definitely caused some rifts, but I didn't expect any less.
It doesn't make him a bad person or selfish for going. In fact, I think this will be one of the best things for him right now. He will have time to do the thing he loves (rock climbing), and time to himself to just figure out his life. This would make things a lot more stable when he returns.
I can't wait to see the pictures.

I also went up to Sewanee this past weekend (along with wrecking my car - what is it with all of the hydroplaning???). It was great to see all of my friends, but I just felt... out of place. There were so many people I didn't know, and the vibe was unfitting. I couldn't hang with my old classmates as they chugged straight liquor at 10 am. I sat quietly in the corner, sipping my coffee. "What's in your coffee?", they'd ask. "Coffee", I'd reply. It was like I was an alien drinking something non-alcoholic. I would joke and use my rebuttle as "I'm just old!", but in retrospect, I kind of was. My goal was to make it alive through the day, and not get so drunk that I couldn't remember. I spent the whole weekend fretting over my car damages, how much sleep I hadn't gotten, and how miserable the drive would be going home. I am so old.
But it gave me perspective on how I had changed. Sure, I stressed a lot more, but I seemed a little more true to who I was and tons more responsible. I took keys from my friends who were stumbling toward their cars, drove people around who couldn't, and took care of my friends who got sick. While it isn't par with the glamorous lifestyle of rock-star Sewanee, I really would be disappointed in myself if I acted otherwise.
It's never fun being the adult, but it is worse if you never get there.

Exhausted. Work is slow... I'm spent.