... maybe that being outside of your comfort zone, even in paradise, can make things hard to enjoy.
I am leaving for Hawaii for 2 months in less than 24 hours. It happened so suddenly, as I lost my job due to me putting 'too much outside time' into my graduate school work. They needed someone as a drone for the full 40+ hours per week (which is what I was still doing).
Thinking that maybe it would be best for me not to stay stuck in Charlotte while my boyfriend was planning to leave on his out-West adventure, I talked to my father about living with him in Honolulu for the entirety of the summer. He agreed.
I planned on taking my pup with me, as he would be the only familiar thing to keep me sane. However, due to Hawaii's outrageous rabies laws, he would be quarantined for the entire stay. I pondered whether to just stay in Charlotte for the sake of my dog, but decided that Hawaii for a whole summer would be hard to pass up as well. Some call me selfish for placing my dog at a long term boarding place, but when it's a kickass farm in Virginia that is as much as my rent per month to board, I would say that isn't incredibly selfish.
So Jaxon is at doggy summer camp. I felt a huge wave of anxiety rush over me as my mother and I drove him up to the farm. The woman was not very personable people-wise, but she was definitely in touch with all of the dogs she had boarded there. I felt a little more relieved as I watched him play with another Dane, and he looked happy.
It also made things a lot easier to pack up and move around without him sniffing around in everything, but I still missed him, as much of a pain as that dog can be.
Then the boyfriend... ah yes, THE boyfriend.
If I could count the number of times I have cried myself to sleep within the last 6 months at the thought of losing him to the mountains of the west, or now through the realization that I will not see his face for at least 60 days - it would be a depressing number.
He was venting once again about his asshole father (once. again.) while driving me home last night, as well as his frustration about really not know enough about how to go about his legendary trip. And then he said it.
I mean, not word for word - but he said it.
He turned to me, looked me right in the eye, and said, "Man, I do not know what I am going to do without you. You're the only person who has really been there for me, and I just don't know what I am going to do."
I love you, too.