the definition of a douchebag and its counterpart: a personal term paper

So, I do not like to speak horribly of others, but there are two people who (unnamed, of course) I really need to let loose about. They deserve so much more than burning words, and I seriously hope karma comes and knocks their teeth out.

I started this new job that was going to help me become more financially stable, as well as start a completely new career. It was a shorter commute, full-time position, and plenty of potential to move up. However, things just didn't feel right. Maybe it was because the doctor who helped set up my job constantly texted me inappropriate things, such as questioning my sexual orientation, or asking about what characteristics I liked in a man. Maybe it was because he also texted me during the entirety of his family vacation with his WIFE and two KIDS. Maybe it was the $700 dinner that he insisted on as an 'initial interview'. Maybe it was because the bitch who calls herself a 'marketing director' was trying to find every reason not to hire me. So, after a whopping 7.5 days of working there (not including the weekend, of course), I was let go due to 'personality issues'. Another reason was that I 'did not take my job seriously' because I volunteered to be more versatile to help the office more. Let me get into more detail about these two wonderful people who contributed the most to my job experience.

Marketing Director/Bitch Extraordinaire
I clearly remember walking into her office for the first time to see her lift her head with a sour expression. She shook my hand, forcing what I assumed was a smile, only to sit back down promptly with her frown remaining, including the pouted lips. Her caked-on makeup, fried highlighted hair, and dried skin from constant tanning told of her many efforts to hide her very apparent age. She boldly stated the extreme importance of her position in the office, as if what she did involved saving lives. I remember her saying that she doesn't 'sugar-coat anything,' making sure that I got the obvious fact that she was a straight-up bitch. Too bad she was still attempting to sugar-coat her age.
After reiterating over and over again that she was top dog (as well as that she was the ONLY reason that the doctor could even function in the office), she stood up to show me around the office. Her too-tight and too-short dress still hung loose from her lacking bust area. The adolescent cork-heels she wore did nothing for her shapeless legs as she strutted around the office area. Her attempt to maintain polite was far from believable. I was not amused by her prententious actions.
Her facial expression and bitchy persona never changed much during my time working there. She made sure that she kept up a facade of being constantly busy as she mostly sat in her chair in her office, casually chatting away with particular favored co-workers. She repeatedly blinked her eyes for an annoyingly long period of time when she explained to me that she 'had no time for non-appointment representatives'. There was not once when I saw her doing anything productive, including what she claimed as 'observing me'. Psh... the only thing she observed was her constantly closed door, which fed into the perception that she was, in fact, doing SOMETHING.
I swear I almost saw her crack a genuine grin during my firing process, and that was about the only real part of her I experienced. At this point, she had forced the new office manager to do most of the firing, who had known me for all of 3 days. I felt sorry for the poor girl and her potentially short-lived future there. The 'I'm sorry' when walking me out was not necessary, unless she was seriously talking about herself. Yes, I agree; you really are one of the sorriest people I have ever encountered.


Dr. I. A. Douchebag
Now, as if I didn't express enough hate for the first person, this one REALLY takes the cake. His plastic smile and obvious dyed brown hair (just go with grey, seriously) were one of the first things I noticed about him when he walked into the exam room. Also, there was huge difference between how he looked in present day versus all of the pictures of him around his center, which had to have been about 15 years earlier. He spent more time blantantly hitting on me and asking me personal questions than explaining the diagnosis. During part of the 'interview process', which entailed him insisting on taking me out to a very nice restaurant, spending approximately $700 on the meal between the two of us, flashing me the bill to kindly ask me to 'make sure the tip was right', and then promising it wouldn't be the last time he took me there. BARF.
First of all, the fact that a man who could easily be my dad trying to turn an interview into a date is s-l-e-e-z-y. I am sure many of you are asking how on EARTH I even wanted to continue with this process. Unfortunately, I was starting to realize more and more that my current job at that time was not going to be able to support me financially. I was becoming desperate, and really had no choice but to humor this slimeball until I got a secure position at his center. However, as you have already noticed, he placed me in a more crappy financial position, considering I am now unemployed.
Still, before I was actually employed, this disgusting person who calls himself both a father and a husband continued to text me, questioning me about things going on in my personal life. Even while he was on a week's vacation with his family, he texted me every day. I even, at one point, told him that his questions and comments were not work related and inappropriate, and he just responded with, 'come on, we don't always have to discuss work'. Yes, if you are my boss, we do.
But here's the topper - AFTER I was fired, he had the nerve to text me and ask to see me in person to apologize, claiming that it was 'out of his control'. He also offered a referral to help with getting a new job. Learning my lesson about involving him with any type of future career, I agreed it would be best that he no longer contact me and leave me alone. Best decision I ever made.
It was a mere wonder that I did not tell him to just go fuck himself or any other crude comment of that nature. That was pretty much all I was thinking during the entirety of our text conversation (which also shows he couldn't even call... I am sure he was very sorry about this whole thing).

That kind of job experience just makes you wonder how many places there really are that are run just as terribly. This doctor has many patients, is considered well-known and good at what he does. But that leaves no excuse to have such a horrible staff.
Like doctor, like employee? Not me.