*shniff*

This is for my hubby, who deserves the many smiles he gives me. :)

wham!

Sometimes, I don't know what to think of all of this. When situations come and smack you in the face all at once, it can be overwhelming. I can't think anymore. I try to do Latin, try to read Biology, but I can't help but think about what's happening. My life back home is crumbling and I am not there to save it. I can only sit alone outside, watch my warm breath in short gasps escape my mouth into the cold air, and feel my once hot tears turn cold against my cheek. I am tired of this, so tired...


I've got my things
I'm good to go
You met me at the terminal
Just one more plane ride and it's done

We stood like statues at the gate
Vacation's come and gone too late
There's so much sun where I'm from
I had to give it away
Had to give you away

And we spent four days on an
Island at your family's old hotel
Sometimes perfection can be
It can be perfect hell
Perfect...

Hours pass
And she still counts the minutes
That I am not there
I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised
Bruised
And don't fly fast
Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last?
This plane is all I got
So keep it steady now
Cause every inch you see is bruised

I lace my Chucks
I walk the aisle
I take my pills
The babies cry
All I hear is what's playing through
The in-flight radio
Now every word of every song
I ever heard that made me wanna stay
Is what's playing through
The in-flight radio
And I
And I am
Finally waking up

Hours pass
And she still counts the minutes
That I am not there
I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised
Bruised
Don't fly fast
Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last?
This plane is all I got
So keep it steady now
Cause every inch you see is bruised
Yeah

So read your books
But stay out late
Some nights
Some nights
And don't think
That you can't stop by the bar
You haven't shown your face here
Since the bad news
Well I'm here till close
With fingers crossed
Each night cause your place isn't far

And hours pass
And hours pass

She still counts the minutes
That I am not there
I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised
Bruised
And don't fly fast
Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last?
This plane is all I got
So keep it steady now
Cause every inch you see is bruised
Bruised
Bruised.

indeed.

:)

so...

Kapone officially broke up.




'Tis a sad, sad day.




http://www.kaponeband.com

maybe you've been waiting...

..for a decent post. I know that most of them have consisted of these little surveys that really mean nothing, but I just haven't found anything good to put on here.

So now I think I am ready to scatter my thoughts onto the table.
My shoulder has gotten better, but it still likes to remind me of its gimpiness here and there. There is this huge buildup to the conference meet (about 2 1/2 wks from now), which makes me slightly nervous. There are going to be so many different teams and we are one of the top teams there. This throws alot of expectation on us... especially for improvement from this moment until then. There's not that much time and I still haven't improved like I had hoped. I am still feeling the fatigued effects of Florida, but there are a few elements of hope in my stroke. Coach also decided to put me in the 200 IM, which is an event I haven't consistently done since high school. I did it yesterday and it felt so awful. I had almost forgotten how painful it was to swim. As much pressure there is from the swim team, I am just trying to focus in class.
Which is why I am not rushing. Considering the campus here is 90% greek, it gets pretty annoying to tell people that. They look at you like you are insane and immediately ask "WHY?"
To be honest, I would be more up to joining a fraternity before a sorority. I hate being around a bunch of girls, especially when they are extremely intoxicated and stupid. Not my idea of fun, sorry. Now I am not trying to say that being around extremely intoxicated GUYS is any more fun, but the fraternities here are much more interesting than the sororities. Hell, I know EXACTLY which fraternity I would join. My Latin exam got moved to another day because of house visits, which I think is complete bullshit, as well. This time of year, everyone is so fucking worked up about which house they got into, I wouldn't be suprised if the overall population's grades slip (even if it's only the beginning of the semester). Talk about a great first impression in class.
And then there's the last thing that is bugging the shit out of me.... ME. There's this guy I like alot and we have a ridiculous amount in common, but I am too big of a wimp to just tell him how I feel. I just wish I could get up the courage, but everytime I think I can do it, I just can't get it out. There's these words just bursting inside of me, but my mouth refuses to open. It's one of those things where you ask/tell yourself, "What do you have to lose?" or "Life is too short to let an opportunity pass you." And as I rebuke myself constantly about it, I still can't get up the nerve to say what I think. It's driving me insane. And the worst part is, this guy is just an all around nice guy, so you don't know if he's just being - well - NICE or throwing out subtle hints of interest. It's seriously eating me from the inside out.
I noticed since I have been in college, I have become much more outgoing, but all it takes is just ONE person to clam me up.

guilty?

Singing in the shower?: guilty

Dancing in the rain?: guilty

Left the stove on?: guilty

Ate Stale food?: guilty

Spit in someone's Drink?: innocent

Stole Something from a friend?: guilty

Played with Barbies? guilty

Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?: guilty

Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: guilty

Made someone cry?: guilty

Opened your Christmas presents early?: guilty

Found money, and didn't turn it in?: guilty

Gave money to a homeless person?:guilty

Thought "Star Wars" was cool?: guilty

Had a super-hero costume?: innocent

Lied to protect a friend?: guilty

Broken a bone?: guilty

Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?: innocent

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: guilty

Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow: innocent

Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: innocent

...Have you Ever...

Ran through the sprinklers?: guilty

Ran through the sprinklers naked?: innocent

Went outside naked?: innocent

Flashed somebody?: innocent

Been on stage?: guilty

Been in a parade?: guilty

Drank beer?: innocent

Went to work w/ a hangover?: innocent

Gotten detention?: guilty

Gotten suspended?: innocent

Gotten expelled?: innocent

Been on a plane?: guilty

Been on a cruise?: innocent

Traveled out of the country?: guilty

Swam in the ocean?: guilty

Nearly died once?: innocent

Liked a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: guilty

Cheated on a test?: guilty

Broken into a house?: innocent

Stolen from your own family?: innocent

Ate spoiled food by accident?: guilty

Ate spoiled food on purpose?: innocent

Ate food you dropped on the floor?: guilty

Laughed at a funeral?: innocent

Watched somebody's death?: innocent

Killed somebody?: innocent

Gotten a tattoo?: innocent

Gotten piercings?: guilty

Fired a gun?: guilty

Gotten into a fist fight?: innocent

Swallowed sea/pool water?: guilty

Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?: innocent

Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: guilty

Laughed so hard it hurt?: guilty

Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: innocent

Seen a live birth?: innocent

Delivered a baby/animal?: innocent

Had an imaginary friend?: guilty

Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: innocent

Tripped on stairs?: guilty

Tripped on your own feet?: guilty

Cried yourself to sleep?: guilty

Cried in public?: innocent

Thrown up in public?: innocent

Lied to your parents?: guilty

Skipped school?: innocent

Hit an animal with your vehicle?: guilty

Been one who helped another cheat?: guilty

Cried so hard you threw up?: innocent

Given a wet willy to someone?: guilty

Gotten a wet willy?: guilty

Been in Love?:: guilty

every inch of me is bruised

This is what broken hope and a potentially fucked up rotator cuff looks like.

training trip

Yeah, so I am in Florida getting tan and toned. W00t.


There's not much to say other than my worst fear has finally occurred. My left shoulder finally called it quits with excruciating pain. Of course, it had to happen during my training trip...
My body really likes to fuck up during the worst times. Never fails.
I am scared to see what the future holds for my swimming career now... :(

It seems like my body is falling apart. I have also been hoarse for the past 2 days, and it's almost quite funny. I called my dad earlier and he didn't even know who I was. It was pretty crazy. The worst part is that I sound HORRIBLE, but feel perfectly fine. My fever dwindled away days ago, it's just I get sympathy now when I sound bad. That's how it always works.

Other than all that shit, I am actually trying to enjoy my time down here in Florida.





bleh.