sweet disposition

So, I have decided to raise my hands up and ask the rain to stop. I found that although you can wait out the downpour, sometimes if you just take matters into your own hands, the sun will come out to shine for you.

I have also figured out that fate is a very strong force. While my Valentine's Day consisted of having a nice dinner with my mother, it seems that something even more wonderful happened unbeknowst to me. My roommates, who date, were out at a local wine bar for their special night, and befriended their waiter in the process. Upon meeting him, they immediately mentioned me because they felt like we would get along well. When I returned to my apartment the next day, I was shocked to hear that they talked me up so much to this complete stranger, as well as told him that I would come out that Friday night with them to meet him at his work. While I am a person who is completely skeptical about set-ups (even if it IS my roommates), when Friday night rolled around, I found myself going to the bar anyway. I kept my guard up and had no expectations for the night. 

It was incredibly awkward at first, because I could tell he seemed uncomfortable being put on display for me. We exchanged a few words as he passed by during dinner, but didn't communicate much otherwise - but my roommates were determined to make a connection. My roommate talked him into coming out with us to another bar after his shift ended, and he agreed. Him and one of his friends followed us to another bar, and that's where the opportunity arose to have a real conversation. Before I knew it, we were both leaning over the bar table toward each other, talking over the loud music and almost ignoring the rest of our company. We had so much in common and enjoyed so many of the same things. He was incredibly intellectual, compelling, and oh, GORGEOUS. I felt myself becoming more and more nervous every time his powerful blue eyes looked in my direction. 

On our way out of the bar, he asked me for my number and if I would like to go rock climbing with him sometime. I, of course, agreed to both, not just before my roommate once again grasped the situation by the horns and invited him to our apartment. We exchanged glances and he smiled, and agreed once again. The night went by so quickly - filled with glasses of wine, casual conversation, and a game of truth or dare. While I admit I HATE this game, all four of us started to become more and more daring with our questions and propositions. Things became even more interesting when my roommate made this hellacious concoction for her boyfriend to drink as a dare (chili paste, peanut butter, banana, rum, vinegar). Our waiter friend stepped in before she handed the drink to her boyfriend and proposed that if he chugged half of this god-awful liquid, he could get a kiss from me. I was incredibly taken aback by how forward he was about it, but agreed to his proposition. After he choked down that horrible drink, he rinsed and wiped his mouth and looked at me for confirmation. The moment was just like a movie scene: he and I came toward each other to the middle of the living room, and he pulled my face forward with his hand on my chin, and kissed me like he wasn't going to live another day. At this moment, every one in the room disappeared. It was like time had stopped just for a second to let this event linger. It was magical.

As the night winded down, after more in-depth conversation and many wonderful kisses, it was apparent that he had drank too much to drive home. I offered either the couch or my bed, and he immediately chose to sleep in the bed with me. More kisses ensued and we fell asleep cuddling one another. I awoke to wondering if I had just had a crazy Disney dream of some sort, only to roll over to those deep blue eyes. We laid in bed, cuddling, and talking for hours before parting ways. He kissed me passionately good-bye, left, came back for his keys, and kissed me again, claiming that he may have forgotten them on purpose just to have more of me. He promised he would see me again. 

The next day, I received a message online from him asking how the rest of my day went, as well as expressing the desire to see me again. Since then, we have seen each other three times in the last week, and it has been absolutely amazing. We have the exact same humor, he has already introduced me to his friends, and grasps at any opportunity to see me (as well as kiss me). He is everything I have been looking for, and I feel like I am in a dream. I still get nervous when I know he is coming to see me, which is completely out of my character. We are taking things slow and he says I am well worth the wait. While this has seemed to happen so fast, it feels like I have already known him for a long time. I cannot wait to see him again, even after being with him last night and basically all day today. 

As for the other options, fate has started to do its job with them, as well. Wendy's decided someone else who was more email-saavy was better for him than I was, and took back all of the 'feelings' that he had before for me. McDonald's has yet to make a move, and I have started to see him more and more as a friend. There is a growing distance between us, mostly initiated by me. Bojangle's is still an amazing person, but also lives almost 80 miles away, and I realized that I cannot do another long distance relationship. He took it well, and we still keep in touch. Sometimes when you find something you really want, every thing else becomes extremely clear as to why they won't work. 

This is unlike anything I have been around before, and the feeling is so different. I have never been more content. So, as for now, I am still trying not to get ahead of myself as to what I have going for me, but I have a really, REALLY good feeling about this. 

:)

when it rains, it pours

First of all, I would like to say I appreciate all of the feedback from my last blog. I seriously have not gotten on here until today, and was very surprised to see the comments. It's good to know that every one shares some experiences with one another.

To update about the guy that I was recently seeing, we are no longer. I got tired of waiting, and maybe to some of you did not have enough guts to take a leap, but I did something incredibly stupid to get the point across that I could not wait any more. While I do consider myself a person who makes good decisions most of the time and thinks rationally, we all have our moments where we look back and say, "Why on EARTH did I do that??". I do realize now that him and I were like looking at a bad image in the mirror, but it does not change the fact that I feel horrible about it still. As much as I conveyed it to him, I do believe that he will never forgive me for it. Part of it is acceptable, but part of it is lack of maturity on his part. I do not like to talk bad about others, but it is just a mere observation that I have made within the last few months.

As to pertaining to the subject of this post, I have noticed that there is a trend with things coming in clumps. I consider myself single, and after two months of basically being on my own and focusing on myself and my job, I have been swarmed with many dating options within the last 3 weeks. While I do not say that I am complaining about the amount of interest (it's flattering!), I just wish that one person would come along at a time instead of all at once and make things incredibly confusing. I hate making decisions... I can barely decide where to go eat for lunch on most days. 

So, should I do Wendy's, McDonald's, or Bojangle's (yes, I eat fast food... I am no Bill Gates)? 

Wendy's is currently overseas on his way from Haiti to the Middle East. I was in a relationship with him approximately 4 years ago, and it ended due to him cheating on me. While I am not known for second chances, it has been a long time and I have felt like he has matured since joining his services. Over the span of those years, he has never lost his feelings for me and even drove for 10 hours last year just to see me during one of my breaks over college. The worst part was that I decided that I still had no feelings for him at that point, told him, and left him with another 10 hour drive back to think about it. Even after that, he was there for me for every phone call that I had about any troubles I had in my life. He was very blunt about how he felt with each situation and gave his complete honesty. He ended up seeing me that last two weekends he had before he shipped out, and I noticed that my feelings had changed. I do have 7 months to wait for him to return, but we keep in touch every day via email. I also promised him that I would give things another chance when he came back, but now I wonder where I will be when he gets off of that boat. Like Wendy's burgers, he has substance, satisfaction, but sometimes it's a lot to sink your teeth into. 

McDonald's is someone that I have been familiar with for a little a while. He is a mutual friend who lives in the area and someone that I see quite often. We keep in touch almost on  a daily basis, and have so much in common. He works in radio, has been completely comfortable with bringing me around his co-workers, and has even brought me into the studio late at night to let me watch him do voice tracks. He is sometimes hard to read, but extremely convenient. He has made it clear that there is interest there, but he is aware of the Wendy's situation, which has held him back from being forward at all. I enjoy spending time with him, but once again, it is something that I will not wait around on for too long. McDonald's is convenient, easy, but sometimes you are just not in the mood for it. 

As for Bojangle's, I have recently ran into him after 5 years. He was someone that I knew from high school and was incredibly out of my league then. He was the badass guy whose presence was felt when he walked into the room, yet was nice enough to talk to me on occasion. By the most random chance, I saw him while driving on the highway one day and made it a point to wave hysterically to him across lanes. We immediately got into touch and he insisted that we hang out with each other. He also admitted that he liked me back in high school, but, outside of his badass front, was too scared to ever say anything. He is secretly a romantic at heart, and is already set on making the night that we see each other perfect. He has asked about everything that I like/don't like and has made it a point to know everything about me even before we have seen each other. The 'date' is set two weekends from now and as much as I should have my guard up, I am anticipating it like crazy. I eat that romantic stuff up. Bojangle's is something that I recently starting eating again, and have found a great liking for it. If nothing else looks good, Bojangle's is my go-to place. 

Of course, with this whole 'Dear John' movie coming out, I expect people to want me to live unrealistically and hold it out for the guy on the boat, but keep in mind that I am still young and somewhat impulsive. 7 months is a long time and it's hard to keep promises at that point. I do not like breaking hearts, but I am a believer of things happening for a reason, and if something works out in a different direction, maybe it is supposed to happen.

As of now, I am still in limbo and kind of floating in the purgatory of relationships, but it is maybe best for now. But as I said, when it rains, it pours - and this also forces me to eventually make a decision. 

Man, do I hate decisions...