where do i begin?

This week has been... well, I can't really find one word to describe it. It is FINALLY Friday, but I can't enjoy the feeling of waking up at noon on a Saturday once more. Gotta help with the horses. I hope I do well with Bear tomorrow considering I only rode him once this week and absolutely NONE last week. I rode him this Thursday and he was good, but was feeling a little light in the rear end (if you get what I am saying). I just hope he has both of his shoes on tomorrow. Monday we had a game and LOST SO BAD because two of our best players were gone. I couldn't motivate anyone like Frieda could, so we just worked with what we had. I found out that I was voted the Most Intellectual (girl) and that was all fine and dandy, but I wanted to put my face in my hands and run away crying (from laughter and embarassment all at the same time) once I found out who the guy was. Cole Calvert. Holy $H!T. He is a complete clown and dumbass. The votes were obviously "changed" a bit, so I am hoping it was for a joke. It is a good joke, I will admit, but then that makes me part of it. Senior superlatives are so lame anyway. On Tuesday, we had another game and did a little better since one of the missing players returned (JUDI!). Once the game was over, I asked mom for the time because I needed to get to WSY practice at 6:30, and she said ten til 7. Well, I took off as fast as I could to get ready only to find (in mid-dress) that it was only 6. Confusing - Mom's watch had somehow jumped an hour ahead. So I foolishly played badminton until practice started. Notice I said "foolishly"... I about DIED that practice. I kept thinking "I am too old for this" every time I recalled playing volleyball, playing badminton, and then swimming all in one day. Wednesday, I got a not-so-good grade on my Western Civ test and we were supposed to have volleyball practice, but it somehow got cancelled. So I just swam and didn't die as bad. Thursday, we were pulled out of class for the senior superlative pictures and, of course, the picture was too blurry and ended up being the last picture on the memory card. We took a field trip out to a farm pond for testing of abiotic factors of the water (LOOONNGGG story... but hilarious), then had our Environmental Club meeting. We have to decorate the stadium for homecoming next week. I am sooo excited (NOT!). I rode, then went to my SAT class. WOW, that was the best class EVER and I SURE learned alot about analogies (*wink wink*). And by the way, NO ONE saw me at the fair - it was just someone who LOOKED like me! So bad but good times. Well, my birthday is actually this next Sunday and I have no clue what to do... maybe just nothing. That would be good. I am always good at doing nothing, and it makes me happy to feel lazy here and there. I have a horseshow tomorrow and I have to BE at the barn at 5:30, so I guess that is it about the week. Sleep is desperately needed.

the leaving song part 2

Don't waste your touch
You won't feel anything
Or were you sent to save me?
I've thought too much
You won't find anything
Worthy of redeeming

Yo he estado aquí muchas veces antes y regreso

to...

Break down
And cease all feeling
Burn now
What once was breathing
Reach out
And you may take my heart away

Imperfect cry
Scream in ecstasy
So what befalls the flawless?

Look what i've built
Please don't do this
It shines so beautifully
Why wont you look at me?
Now watch as it destroys me

Y regreso aquí otra vez y comienzo

to...

Break down
And cease all feeling
Burn now
What once was breathing
Reach out
And you may take my heart away

Break down
And cease all feeling
Burn now
What once was breathing
Reach out
And you may take my heart away


I left it all behind and never said goodbye
I left it all behind and never said goodbye
I left it all behind and never said goodbye
I left it all to die

I saw its birth
I watched it grow
I felt it change me
I took the life
I ate it slow
Now it consumes me

Break down
And cease all feeling
Burn now
What once was breathing
Reach out
And you may take my heart away

Break down
And cease all feeling
Burn now
What once was breathing
Reach out
And you may take my heart away

Heart away...

in memory of the summer

Coincidence it is maybe
That we meet in the same place
At the same time - Summer
Hottest season
Starting of something new
But temporarily satisfying

Summer
Every year is something different
Every year it gets better
Smile - Expressions of happiness
Laughs that aren't forced
Jump in the car and go

Wind in your face
Locks flying behind you
A burst of energy
From the light of the sky
No permanent plans
A spontaneous season it is

Every morning dim - Cool dew drops settled on the thirsty grass
The afternoons bright - Sun beating down on the exposed earth
Evenings soothingly warm - Every day variations of paintings in the sky
What is this phenomenon of time?
One season
Summer

failure's not flattering

Wow, another loss. Our volleyball game on Tuesday ended up being a scrimmage because no refs showed up. So we goofed off and had fun while playing them and did very well. Then the one today was against South Iredell, who was decent last year but had an AWFUL attitude so they sucked in my book. This year, they weren't as bad attitude wise but definitely better in skill. Today we got sent the Senior superlatives sheet in 2nd period and my mind has gone blank for some of the categories. Most likely because I think about their personalities (the majority of them I hate) and not the characteristics. But the categories such as "Worst Driver" or "Most Athletic" came instantly. Alot of people told me they voted me as the female "Most Intellectual". What is THAT?!? I do NOT walk around with my face in a book and speak intelligently all the time (I often have problems just getting a simple sentence out). Do people even KNOW what intellectual means? They probably just thought "Oh, she's smart... that means intellectual." Not exactly. It actually can just be a front or a portrayal in definition - so THERE! Not to be bragging, but I think I would fit "Best All Around" better because no other girls in the top 10 of our class do sports or other activities. And they are SNOBBY! How can you be voted "best" when you won't talk to the majority of the school because you think you are better than them? Oh well, I guess I will take what I can get. I just can't wait to get out of this god-forsaken town. As of Wednesday, the last of the people I spent my summer with have gone. It always seems like I get along better with people who have limited time in my local area than the ones who are permanently (or just have ONE home) here. We had our Western Civ exam today and I think I did okay on it... but I tore up that essay. I knew EVERYTHING there was to know about it. Then the extra credit essay I just kinda b.s.ed my way through that and as I walked out of the door from turning it in, I remembered some additional elements to it. Minds seem to always work that way. I don't know if we are even having that horseshow on Saturday, but it doesn't look too promising. My riding skills don't, either. I haven't ridden in about a week and a half due to the hectic schedule. Ugh. Thank goodness we only have 2 volleyball games next week. I am so tired and sick of work. I want this weekend to be filled with laziness, but with the "Beowulf" project, I seriously doubt it. Tomorrow is Friday, thank whatever the hell there is out there.

god i hate my school

This makes math teacher #3 for just Pre-Cal - Ms. Salmons is teaching our class INSTEAD of hers for the next 2 weeks. She is really busting her ass to get us caught up and I definitely appreciate it. Everyone is so mad that we actually have to work but we need to know the material. Gwennie is finally back after her prolonged pain from the slip in the lobby *snicker*. She made it obvious that the college essay I turned in was crap, and I know it was, I just found that after putting all I could into it that it really wasn't a great topic to focus on about me. Then the IRK of the day came right after that class. Frieda, our team captain of the volleyball team, is confronted by one of her friends who is screeching and crying at her how she was lying about her and so on. Of course, Frieda starts yelling back and following her, encouraging a fight. I thought about how just a few minutes before, in class, she was telling me how excited she was about the game today and how we were going to win. WELL, if she didn't pull shit off like that, yeah, we could. She also wants to go to college playing volleyball ... well if she did ANYTHING like I saw in the hall (assistant principal holding her back from punching her friend), the coach would cut her quicker than she could make up an excuse. Frieda thinks that our coach HERE is so merciless, well, she is in for a rude awakening. Our coach actually picked Frieda as one of the favorites and gives her more attention than most of us. If she even gets to play in college, she will get chewed out and shut out by the coach if she keeps her stuff up. I want to just smack some sense in her and all the other drama queens of the school and tell them to GROW UP. Jesus, you are SENIORS in high school! What the f*** ARE YOU THINKING? Or are you thinking at all?!? It is so embarassing to say "Yeah, that's our team captain" when she has a kid and NO self control. Grow up. That is all I have to say. DAMN!

some saturday

Mad props first- I am proud of a freshman who kicked some ASS in the pool today in a match! Good job!
Today we closed the pool up... well did the beginning of it. There is so much more to do, but I don't know if Nathan wants me to help with that. I guess he will call me if he needs me. Friday's swim practice wasn't too hard except for the 400 IM kick. Tom KNOWS I can't kick for anything. I would go to practice on Monday, but I have a game then the SAT prep class. Woo - can't wait for that... NOT. Oooooooooooooo tomorrow is the BEAST FEAST aka the neighborhood picnic. Hell yes. Homemade cookin' (and KFC from the lazy bums with no time for cooking) from the entire neighborhood. I can't wait, because I will tear that thing UP! I always remember the lady that makes the homemade pecan pies (the minature kind) and they are oh so good. My mom made an awful comment today about how all the good cookers are dying off. Not a good thought - that means a loss of food! Okay, just kidding... I'm not that bad. Well the rest of my day consisted of badminton and food. Just a regular Saturday outside of the work. I am REALLY going to have to work tomorrow because I need to work on my college essay, do my APES research, work on my Western Civi terms, and then swim hopefully since I won't be able to on Monday. Well, that's about it... not too interesting of a day.

3 YEARS ... we will remember.

brain = mush

Oh my goodness, I am COMPLETELY brain dead. I had school with a math test, English quiz, and APES project. Then a carefree volleyball game where I spiked on them twice with no return. It was quite relieving, but the 2 hour long SAT prep session about killed me. There was this beast chick with WAY too much eye makeup who came up in there talking about how she swam at Nationals and what not. And she said Cole Yarborough "was alright" - whatever, girl! Who do you think YOU are? Then we just talked about where we wanted to go to college and swimming with the instructor while waiting on the last guy to come in. There were only 3 of us, and we definitely differed. The instructor seemed extremely laid back, cursed here and there, but got his point across. The girl - well, I already talked about her. Then the guy, well he constantly cussed and talked about going to the SAT being drugged up on Adderall. Interesting group - seems to really vary. I don't even feel like getting too detailed about my day because that means I have to think about it - I am way too spent for that. Hittin' the sack soon.

life's demands

Dang, it seems like forever since I've written in this thing. I have been SO busy, I haven't really checked it or anything for the past few days. The next four weeks are going to be the most hectic times of my life so far. School, homework, WSY, volleyball, SAT Prep (gag me), and horseback riding. I just finished my first draft of my college essay... it's barely a half of a page - double spaced. I TRIED to tell my mom that it needed more, but NO... it's FINE with only 3 paragraphs. That's elementary essay structure! And it is about the ability to identify what is right and wrong, and how carrying out to right decision is sometimes extremely difficult. This is supposed to be bragging about how I can do that, when the last decision I made like that, I f***ed up. Also, my math class is going downhill. It reminds me of 8th grade when I had four math teachers - no joke. They couldn't keep a teacher here for longer than three weeks at a time until the last one. Yeah, the 22 year-old West Virginian that the guys couldn't stop slobbering over. *shudder* Well, all but two of the papers I got back from him weren't completed because he never gave us enough time! He would give us a worksheet with 38 questions on it 15 minutes before class ended! And me being so freaking off-the-wall ADHD, that just makes it worse. At least I finished my carbon cycle brochure. 1 point for Julia! I am extremely tired and I said I would go to bed early, but it doesn't really look like that right now. I guess I will attempt to make my way to the bed...

another day of almost nothingness

I woke up at today at about 1 ... it was a good feeling but left me feeling groggy all day. Ever had those times you sleep so much it just makes you sleepier? I hate that... how does that work? I tried playing badminton but the odds were against me most of the time. The sun was blinding and the wind was pretty strong, which sent the birdie all over the place. Also, when Alan hit the birdie to me, it would look like it was coming from one direction but then pull some crazy curve another way. Considering the birdie was light because it had like one feather left on it (we tear those things UP!), the wind had total advantage of it. Then I was FORCED into cleaning my room because Mom said I couldn't use the computer until it was done. How cruel. I was about done (5 pm) and I got a phone call from Nathan saying that if I wanted to swim then I should come right then. I was a little pissed about that but noticed that he attempted to call me earlier on my cell. So I go to the pool, tired from cleaning my room and over-sleeping (IMPOSSIBLE), and Nathan swore that I was asleep before coming there. I was NOT! I was just tired. Well, the water temperature sure got me going. We did about a 3000, then left. I seem to hurt myself everyday somehow, so I think I should start posting the accidental self-mutilation of the day! Today's mutilation happened when Nathan and I smacked arms while swimming... I felt like I rebroke my arm. Yesterday's was when I hit my finger with the frame of the badminton racquet. It's odd how you can try to watch where you're going or what you're doing and still be clumsy enough to hurt yourself on a daily basis. I am extremely stable on ice during the winter and all my friends fall and I just laugh at them because I never do, yet I trip over NOTHING on dry ground all the time. What is that?!? Oh well, isn't life ironic? I am SO tired from swimming so I am going to try to go to bed a little earlier tonight.

redemption round

Wow, today was a refreshing day. I slept until about 11:45 and did absolutely NOTHING today but play badminton. Then we went out to eat and it was really good but there was no one there but us (other than a couple that left a few minutes after we arrived). I was hoping to continue the holiday with nothingness, but Mom insists I clean my room. It's not too bad - I can still walk in it - that's what matters, right? I go in it more than anyone else, anyway. And of course after I DO clean my room, Mom will find something else for me to do like she always does. Oh well... that's life I guess. I was able to tolerate last night, and to tell you the truth, I had fun. I wasn't annoyed or pissed off at any point, which made things quite comfortable. Too bad I didn't swim or work out or ANYTHING today. I haven't swam in 3 days - that's a LONG time compared for the past few weeks. I talked to a person who graduated from Sewanee this past year and she said that the coach is constantly looking for breaststrokers - he tried EVERY year to turn her into one. That is definitely a plus in that department and also he doesn't discriminate against non-year round swimmers. They actually experienced two non-year round swimmers at the beginning of the past year and they turned out to be the two fastest sprinters. More room for improvement. We saw the movie Hidalgo tonight and it was really good. My brother and dad thought it would be just all about horses, but it was so much more than that. The historical setting and events were really authentic. Good movie. I am so tired and I am DEFINITELY going to bed earlier tomorrow if I want to get some good sleep.

whew...what a day

This morning I got up, put on some sweat pants and a t-shirt (just as I said), and walked into Western Civ half asleep. Then I got through that class, went and got some coffee and a danish (my SECOND breakfast of the day). I ran home and changed into something a little nicer for my campus tour at Davidson. We got there an hour early for my appointment with the swim coach, so we just walked around a bit and watched their volleyball team. INCREDIBLE. They were awesome to watch - their reactions, their speed, their flexibility, and their communication. Seeing things like that makes me appreciate teams like that who work hard in everything they do and they get it right. In my meeting with the swim coach, he was sincere as possible with me about the circumstance of swimming for Davidson. He had no control over who got the scholarship since it is really more academically oriented, and that swimming and keeping up the grades will be overwhelming for me, especially since I have never swam year round. In other words, the chances of me getting a scholarship in ANYTHING is slim and I am not ready to bind myself to one college by early decision. Not now. Then we did the group tour. Interesting group: a guy from Connecticut, a girl from Florida, a girl from Ohio, and a girl from Louisiana. I was the only one from NC - pathetic. The first thing that caught my eye was the familiar looking scar on the guy's knee. I immediately asked him how his ACL reconstruction was. He looked at me in suprise and that broke the ice. The girls from Ohio and Louisiana were pretty clingy to their parents, so they didn't get too conversational. But the guy, me, and the girl from Florida were talking it up. The tour was great and when we went to see the dorm rooms, we coincidentally went into a swimmer's room and her and I talked about swimming and all that stuff. Everyone there seemed so friendly and open, the security was very trusted there because so many doors were left wide open with no people in their rooms. Then when we talked with the admissions representative, it got a little boring, and my mom about got into it with her (oh, geez). After that, the Louisiana girl left and everyone else was asking the Florida girl how they were coping with the hurricane. Come to find out, they were running from it with all of their things packed in a van and scheduled the tour at the last minute. The tour was great, but I am definitely going to have to do some thinking and more looking. The game tonight was an embarassing loss of 0-14 against North. Ugh. It has been a long day and I am fading fast. Tomorrow I can SLEEP IN (yes! yes!) and I will hopefully be on in the afternoon when I wake up.

another one in the mix

My mom brought up another college to look at... Sewanee in Tennessee. I was like "Oh no - NOT another one!" but it doesn't seem like a bad college either. It is about the size of Davidson and their swimming program is pretty good, too. I looked at their times and found that I am faster than their 4th best breaststroker right now! And I'm not even fast... that guarantees me a pretty high spot on the team because they don't to seem to have many breaststrokers anyway. One of the guys from my school and his dad are going up there this next Saturday by the transportation of my dad and my mom wanted me to go but I have to help close up the pool. I can look another weekend. Their sciences are also very strong and they look for academic consistency in athletes. I just hate having even more to decide between. ARGH. Frustration. We played so well against West Iredell today the first game - 17-25. We have NEVER EVER scored that many points on them! And I even spiked on them ONCE... they just made sure it never happened again. After my moment of glory, I jumped too early and got hit in the face by the ball. Ouch on eye and ego. I am kind of nervous about the visit tomorrow, but I feel it will be fine. I am going to Western Civ tomorrow with my pajamas on because I don't care - it's a holiday and I have to go to class at 8 in the morning. KISS IT. Tomorrow will be pretty busy on it's own even without school. I was talked into going to the game, so I will see how that goes. Thank goodness we have no homework this break because I have had too much work for the past few days. Essays, quizzes, tests. It hasn't stopped all week. I am lucky I got that essay successfully done yesterday even though I feel as if I b.s.-ed a good amount of it. One more class until the REAL holiday... OH OH and I don't have ANYTHING TO DO THIS SATURDAY! YES! I can actually sleep in... thank goodness. I am definitely spending this weekend doing what you should every weekend - NOTHING. :)

tomorrow is a friday

Okay, so maybe it's not - but it will feel like it! Friday will be pretty busy even though we have no school. I will go to Western Civ, then to Davidson pretty much the whole day, then swim and go to the football game in the evening. I finally have worked things out and am feeling better already. I am relieved to know that things are okay. We have a volleyball home game tomorrow and we are going to get RAPED. This team plays year-round volleyball and is AWESOME. They are incredible to watch and I really do admire their skill. Of course, today, the team was goofing off when scrimmaging. I don't know if we can ever be taken seriously because we can't PLAY seriously. Oh well, it's my senior year... what can I say? I just hope we can get some more wins in this year. I really shouldn't be blogging because I just remembered that I have a comparitive essay due tomorrow. O_O Yeah... better get cracking.