this is how i feel

I have never wanted something so bad in my entire life and yet I'm setting myself up for the kill. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I wish the feeling would go away, not the person. Everything I have done I feel I have done wrong and I want only more out of this but I know I will never get it, no matter how hard I try. You're everything I ever wanted and I just wanted you to know that. Yes, this is just coming from me... not your doctor, not my friends, but me. You are perfect to me and having something perfect in my life has been phenomenal in every way. I sobbed the minute you left because I can't stand knowing that something perfect wants me too, but still wants something else more. Well I can tell you I don't want anything more ... I just want more time with you anyway possible and I will try my best to distance myself from you but its the hardest thing I have had to do. I respect what you have and I will try to stick to my integrity. I can't believe I'm pouring my heart out on here where everyone can see but then I realize what else do I have to lose??? There is nothing else. So there, that's how I feel... I couldn't tell you to your face because the words just couldn't come out. I don't know how you will react but at least it can sink in while I'm gone. I'm finally putting my walls down and showing my soft underbelly. I had to let this out... I just don't know if I have the real courage to post it.