I still feel like a cold-hearted bitch for what I did, but I believe that it would have ended up being one-sided. I guess I should lay low in the guy department for a while... this was a reality check that ended with two people hurt. ... Yes, TWO people. Some people see me smiling or laughing, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I am happy. I have to wake up every morning with the realization that I am still torn inside, with the potential of never being fully mended. I constantly ask myself if I will ever be able to commit myself to anyone again. I am sure that, with time, I will be able to control that sick feeling that eats away at my stomach and my shaking hands when the word "relationship" comes around... but, for now, I oddly find myself more secure being alone. No, not in the arms of someone, but knowing that I don't have that risk of me fucking up or breaking someone's heart (even though I did, anyway).
I am just so tired of being numb. I want to feel again... I want to love again.
*sigh*
1 comment:
Ohh, so awfull, but dont worry sure that the time cantake care of you. This situations use to be so complicated and so hurting but you kmow that in the time only can remember the goodsa moments... the another things disappear. Try to take care of you now, first be yourself and the second and the threeth is lso yoiu... maybe later can be another things...
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