snowing on st. patty's

So, today started out pretty good, especially since we had a 2 hour delay then cancellation of school. I took my time (but STILL was faster than a regular school morning) and felt pretty good after solid 9 hours of sleep. Then I spent most of my day and someone's house just hanging out. It was quite fun and time whipped by. I felt so carefree and, for once, light on my toes. Then I started thinking about the future and how it could ruin my every bit of happiness. Just thinking about it turned my smile and I dwelled upon it, making my and my friend's thoughts wander into dark, depressing areas. He had such a simple lifestyle and now I have made it complicated. He gave me chills of happiness and now all I have given him is chills of fear. I am so sorry. I will screw it up, break his heart (it's inevitable), and just make things worse. Fate turns everything into a crappy world. I don't want another month to pass. Time ticks by painfully as I cry to let out my fear of what I know will happen. I do have a say in this, but few believe I can stand against it. I hate the feeling of infatuation, because it only drags you into worse feelings. It's like being drunk - first you feel like you are floating, then you feel REALLY shitty afterwards. Thinking of the future AND past hurt and there is nothing left to think about. NFG Concert is tomorrow and Austin and I are bound to have a good time. He won't be so lonely this time. :)