i don't wanna know

Well, today was the second day of the Hillsborough meet and I am really, really tired. I want to just take a break from swimming right now because I am so sick of that chlorine smell that lingers through every pore in my body. I'm sick of pushing myself until it hurts, burns, and groans with every stroke. I hate that taste of blood in the back of your throat every time you give it your all and you're gasping for breath as if there isn't enough air in the atmosphere to satisfy your lungs. Every time I race, people ask me what I think about. Do you really want to know? I think, 'Why am I doing this to myself? I could just hop out in the middle of this race, walk out, and never look at a pool again', but I never seem to find the motivation to leave swimming behind. It's fine, but can't there be a point where it's too much? I know I haven't hit that point and I doubt I ever will, but there has to be a limit somewhere. A limit that would make you insane if you did one more stroke, felt one more drop of liquid on your skin, or gasped for one more breath above the surface of the rippling water. Ahhhh ... whatever. Many coaches could tell I was naturally good at breaststroke. They complimented my stroke and its strength. For once, I wasn't the only breaststroker that threw my hands out of the water and forward. There were many people... including an 11 year old who did a 1:13 today. That's just ridiculous, but good for him. I will be watching that kid on TV, along with all the other people, one day. Needless to say, I got 6th in the 100 breast and 9th in the 200 breast (tedious, I might add) against a bunch of year round (life-long) swimmers. Not bad. It will be the same at the state meet... and I wouldn't be suprised if it were the SAME girls that will beat me there, too. I am so exhausted and I just hope I have enough of whatever it is that is keeping me going to do well at the conference meet. It's my LAST CHANCE to get a better seed time. I need this...



Your eyes were covered in sunglasses
When they first met mine
I sat there and stared at you
You didn't seem to mind
The awkward ways we meet