always unfulfilled

Maybe I was expecting too much when I first ran into him. His picture and interests first grabbed me, making me leave a comment, just to see if he would notice. It was the stupid, girly crush that, no matter what, you can't help but look his way constantly and wonder if he's looking back. The bond came so spontaneously... from a mere spilling of a beverage and a sincere apology. I didn't know that I would learn so much about him just by letting my foot and pants soak up the liquid that he had carelessly let fall. I loved hearing him speak, because everything he said was so brilliant, but it was sad to know that his wonderful mind was being wasted through a bottle. We were physically and mentally eye to eye, but maybe not emotionally. We both expressed sadness in place of anger, causing more sadness than anything, but we still weren't the same. I was afraid that I would get caught up in something this stupid, but that's me just trying to mend a broken heart that still bleeds and cracks.
The best thing about here is that I can hold an intellectual conversation without feeling out of place. It's great.

I say that I don't take the first step in fear of a hurtful fall, but I am already hurting and there's no ladder. I'm just scared that this is one sided... I wouldn't be suprised.