dear jordan

Yes, many people haven't heard of Grinnell. I sure hadn't until I met him...
I haven't even started packing yet, but have mourned over it a lot. I had to say good bye to my friend that goes to Grinnell tonight and it was really hard. We're such good friends and its sad to leave him (again). I realized tonight that everything from my past 17 years is washed down the drain, just waiting for me to start over again. It's very sad at the moment, because I never had time to feel sad over leaving. I sure didn't cry at my graduation, but I am feeling remorse more than ever. The friends that have stuck by my side throughout it all are leaving (or I am leaving them) and I am fearful that I or they will be forgotten. I had that feeling with an old friend today when I had to drop something off... it was like he saw right through me. He invited me into the house that I used to visit so often and now there was no evidence of my presence, ever. The kitten that we adopted together had gotten so big. As I looked into its little yellow eyes, I remembered all those times we played with it together and all the memories I had shared with him. I hadn't even moved off yet and my pictures with him had been replaced by someone new and obviously more exciting. He was playing his drums when I first approached his house and when I yelled his name in hopes of him hearing me, it was as if I was calling for help. My voice was filled with sorrowful desperation and I couldn't stop saying his name like that. It was then I noticed that all my friends were slipping away, slowly, like grains of sand between my fingertips. Even though I will make more friends, they can never be replaced, which will cause a void to always remain in me, unfulfilled.
Feeling a little down,
Julia



I was too afraid to ever send that letter.