life is...

We won our homecoming football game. Woohoo. After putting all of that work into decoration, we needed it. After the game, I walked with my head down and sat on our steps and cried. I realized that now, as much as I thought I knew who my friends were, I am losing my "friends". They become different people before my eyes in order to please someone else. They tell me one thing and do another. I thought I had it all figured out and now, well now I don't even know. I have had this hectic schedule and my Mom has been telling me how I need a social life, but now I am glad I don't. Who needs a social life when all it does is just put them down? It only shows me that I maybe I don't need friends, and that maybe I can do this all on my own. I have been fine in this schedule without doing anything with friends and I can continue that. I can almost feel my heart harden with the fact that my friends aren't what they seem. People have referred me to a cat before and now I see why. I must be developing the feline instincts of solitude and independence. Cats are to be admired for that... totally living their lives without the company of another. Yeah, sure, it's nice to have another cat around, but it doesn't matter either way. They're cool, calm, and totally in control of everything. They live their life the way they lead it and don't let anything hold them back. Why am comparing myself to a cat? Maybe because I wish I was one. I wish I wasn't a flawed human who has to depend on companionship in order to make myself happy. Why are we this way? Why can't we just do things on our own and not be bothered with other people? So many questions and 2 days until my birthday. Here's one present I have already I received, I guess. I wish I could return it.


You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you gota helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that’s winning

You say I let you down
You know it’s not like that
If you’re so hurt
Why then don’t you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that’s not where it’s at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You’re in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I’d make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don’t know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don’t mean it

When you know as well as me
You’d rather see me paralyzed
Why don’t you just come out once
And scream it

No
I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I’d rob them

And now I know you’re dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don’t you understand
It’s not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes
I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You’d know what a drag it is
To see you