monotonous monday

Ever had one of those nights where you just lay in bed and you can't sleep because so many thoughts are running through your head at once? Yeah, that definitely happened last night. I watched the minutes painfully tick by as I tried to make myself to go sleep. But I couldn't - I couldn't stop thinking. I tried reading, listening to music, all different things. Today, I faced the pain of reality and I think I will fight my way through it. I just wish I could close my eyes... and it would all go away - that I would finally awake from my bad dream and realize that none of it was ever real. It's not real... nothing ever happened. Another thing that is bothering me is when someone who KNOWS that I am self concious about my upper body starts bringing up the flaws. Yes, I have a masculine build. Are you happy? Geez, how can I swim so much and NOT become tone over time? I have inherited the broad shoulders from my dad and my muscular build from my mom. I don't have that desired 'fragile' look that most famous models have or anything like that, and I'm sorry. I am sorry that my build isn't pleasing to the eye of the jackass who called me out about it. I KNOW that I look manly and you honestly don't have to bring it up. Why don't you keep your opinions to yourself because it's not really that funny - I didn't notice anyone laughing. As Foamy would put it, '...at the very least, shoot yourself. Get yourself out of society.' Please, do. And there are plenty flaws about you too, but I wouldn't stoop to that level.